367 replies to this topic

[ChipShot]

Rodney Dangerfied seems like a CREEP to me. I don't think he should be alone with kids.

Oh, you're gonna be hammered for that...may he rest in peace...

[Andrea V]

Oh, you're gonna be hammered for that...may he rest in peace...

I don't care, he.... eawww..... he's a creepy guy.... not funny at all! eawwwwwww

[ChipShot]

I don't care, he.... eawww..... he's a creepy guy.... not funny at all! eawwwwwww

It appears someone can't appreciate classic humor.....

[EDH Jen]

2 of my favorites: Paul Lynde and Rodney Dangerfied.

I'd laugh even before the punch line....

Love Rodney Dangerfield! Easy Money and Back to School are some of my favorite movies. And Meet Wally Sparks! I thought I was going to die laughing over that dancing scene where he breaks the statue. He was a master. God rest his soul.

[camay2327]

Subject: Problem Name

Problem Name

The famous Olympic skier Picabo Street (pronounced Peek-A-Boo) is not just
an athlete. She is now a nurse currently working at the Intensive Care Unit
of a large metropolitan hospital.

She is not permitted to answer the hospital telephones. It caused too much
confusion when she would answer the phone and say,

"Picabo, ICU"


(A good clean joke is hard to find these days -- pass it on!)

[camay2327]

If you have seen this before, just ignore it. It is a good one though...


Red Marbles (get a tissue) ((( NOT A JOKE )))



RED MARBLES

I was at the corner grocery store buying some early potatoes.
I noticed a small boy, delicate of bone and feature, ragged but clean, hungrily apprizing a basket of freshly picked green peas.
I paid for my potatoes, but was also drawn to the display of fresh green peas.

I am a pushover for creamed peas and new potatoes. Pondering the peas, I couldn't help overhearing the conversation between Mr. Miller (the store owner) and the ragged boy next to me.
'Hello Barry, how are you today?'
'H'lo, Mr. Miller. Fine, thank ya. Jus' admirin' them peas. They sure look good.'
'They are good, Barry. How's your Ma?'
'Fine. Gittin' stronger alla' time.'
'Good. Anything I can help you with?'
'No, Sir. Jus' admirin' them peas.'
'Would you like take some home?' asked Mr. Miller.
'No, Sir. Got nuthin' to pay for 'em with.'
'Well, what have you to trade me for some of those peas?'
'All I got's my prize marble here.'
'Is that right? Let me see it' said Miller.
'Here 'tis. She's a dandy.'
'I can see that. Hmmmmm, only thing is this one is blue and I sort of go for red. Do you have a red one like this at home?' the store owner asked. 'Not zackley but almost.'
'Tell you what. Take this sack of peas home with you and next trip thisway let me look at that red marble', Mr. Miller told the boy.
'Sure will. Thanks Mr. Miller.'

Mrs. Miller, who had been standing nearby, came over to help me. With a smile said, 'There are two other boys like him in our community,all three are in very poor circumstances. Jim just loves to bargain with them for peas, apples, tomatoes, or whatever.
When they come back with their red marbles, and they always do, he decides he doesn't like red after all and he sends them home with a bag of produce for a green marble or an orange one, when they come on their next trip to the store.'
I left the store smiling to myself, impressed with this man.
A short time later I moved to Colorado , but I never forgot the story of this man, the boys, and their bartering for marbles.
Several years went by, each more rapid than the previous one.
Just recently I had occasion to visit some old friends in that Idaho community and while I was there learned that Mr. Miller had died.
They were having his visitation that evening and knowing my friends wanted to go, I agreed to accompany them.
Upon arrival at the mortuary we fell into line to meet the relatives of the deceased and to offer whatever words of comfort we could.
Ahead of us in line were three young men.
One was in an army uniform and the other two wore nice haircuts, dark suits and white shirts...all very professional looking..
They approached Mrs. Miller, standing composed and smiling by her husband's casket.
Each of the young men hugged her, kissed her on the cheek, spoke briefly with her and moved on to the casket.
Her misty light blue eyes followed them as, one by one, each young man stopped briefly and placed his own warm hand over the cold pale hand in the casket.
Each left the mortuary awkwardly, wiping his eyes.
Our turn came to meet Mrs. Miller. I told her who I was and reminded her of the story from those many years ago and what she had told me about her husband's bartering for marbles.
With her eyes glistening, she took my hand and led me to the casket.
'Those three young men who just left were the boys I told you about. They just told me how they appreciated the things Jim 'traded' them. Now, at last, when Jim could not change his mind about color or size....they came to pay their debt.'
'We've never had a great deal of the wealth of this world,' she confided, 'but right now, Jim would consider himself the richest man in Idaho '.
With loving gentleness she lifted the lifeless fingers of her deceased husband. Resting underneath were three exquisitely shined red marbles.

The Moral : We will not be remembered by our words, but by our kind deeds.
Life is not measured by the breaths we take, but by the moments that take our breath.

Today I wish you a day of ordinary miracles ~ A fresh pot of coffee you didn't make yourself.
An unexpected phone call from an old friend.
Green stoplights on your way to work.
The fastest line at the grocery store.

A good sing-along song on the radio.

Your keys found right where you left them.

--------------

Send this to the people you'll never forget.

I just Did...

It's not what you gather, but what you scatter that tells what kind of life you have lived!

[Darth Lefty]

That's not funny at all!

[camay2327]

That's not funny at all!

Darth, it wasn't supposed to be funny this time. That was why the tissues.... I'll change it to,

Not A Joke...

[Darth Lefty]

Dude it's the joke thread. I was certain it was a shaggy dog story setting up for a "lost his marbles" punchline. Instead it's maudlin!

[camay2327]

Dude it's the joke thread. I was certain it was a shaggy dog story setting up for a "lost his marbles" punchline. Instead it's maudlin!

---


OK, Darth, I will create an item for SOB Stories...

Cal

[Warren G]

...I will create an item for SOB Stories...

Oh great. Yet another thread about GWB...

[Deb aka Resume Lady]

Oh great. Yet another thread about GWB...

That's funny!

[mylo]

I laughed.

[UncleVinny]

Karl Rove arrested!

[camay2327]

Political Joke...


An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter: 'Want coffee.' The waiter says, 'Sure, Chief. Coming right up.'
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee. The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun, causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.

The next morning the Indian returns. He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling another male buffalo with the other. He walks up to the counter and says to the waiter 'Want coffee.' The waiter says 'Whoa, Tonto! We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?' The Indian smiles and proudly says, 'Training for position in United States Congress: Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up, disappear for rest of day.