367 replies to this topic

[Bill Z]

My secret santa gift at work is one of those daily desk calendars. Each day has one of the 365 stupidest things ever said. As I won't be at work on the first of Jan, I'll post that one now.

"It's time to put on the brakes and move ahead" - Iowa Democratic primary hopeful Michael Blouin during a debate.

[mylo]

[Dave Burrell]

too much bad mojo lately, we need some levity....

[Dave Burrell]

[Dave Burrell]

[mylo]

Useful Belarusian phrases
http://www.omniglot..../belarusian.php

(read the last phrase)

[Dave Burrell]

Useful Belarusian phrases
http://www.omniglot..../belarusian.php

(read the last phrase)

must be a very popular site?

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Process limit exceeded for uid 12176 [36 >= 24].

[ducky]

Useful Belarusian phrases
http://www.omniglot..../belarusian.php

(read the last phrase)

If I am ever in Belarus, I'll definitely look out for that type of infestation in my air-cushion vehicle.

Here's a phrase in case you ever bring your HC to France.

Mon aéroglisseur est plein des escargots

[Dave Burrell]

If I am ever in Belarus, I'll definitely look out for that type of infestation in my air-cushion vehicle.

Here's a phrase in case you ever bring your HC to France.

Mon aéroglisseur est plein des escargots

buwahahhaa Russian eels and now French snails - that's hilarious! Now where did I park my HC?

[MikeinFolsom]

Fer Shizzle.

(I've always wanted to say that)

[Bill Z]

must be a very popular site?

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Process limit exceeded for uid 12176 [36 >= 24].

Now that's funny

[Andrea V]

A young man wished to purchase a gift for his new sweetheart's birthday, and as they had not been dating very long, after careful consideration he decided a pair of gloves would strike the right note -- romantic, but not too personal.
Accompanied by his sweetheart's younger sister, he bought a pair of white gloves; the younger sister purchased a pair of panties for herself.

During the wrapping, the clerk mixed up the items and the sister got the gloves and the sweetheart got the panties. Without checking the contents first, he sealed his package and mailed it to his sweetheart along with this note:



--------------------------------------...

Darling,

I chose these because I noticed that you are not in the habit of wearing any when we go out in the evening. If it had not been for your sister, I would have chosen the long ones with buttons, but she wears short ones that are easy to remove.

These are a delicate shade, but the lady I bought them from showed me the pair she had been wearing for the past three weeks and they were hardly soiled. I had her try yours on for me and she looked really smart.

I wish I were there to put them on you for the first time, as no doubt other hands will come in contact with them before I have a chance to see you again.

When you take them off, remember to blow in them before putting them away as they will naturally be a little damp from wearing.

Just think how many times I will kiss them during the coming year. I hope you will wear them for me on Friday night.

All my Love,
Hollingsworth

P.S The latest style is to wear them folded down with a little fur showing.

[Andrea V]

An elderly lady goes into the doctor and tells him - "Doctor, I don't know what the problem is, but I've been farting all the time. It's not really a problem socially because they don't make any noise and don't smell. I just can't stop farting all the time. In fact while I've been in here I must have farted at least 20 times."

The doctor nods and gives her some pills. "Here take these for two weeks and come see me again when you are done."

So she takes the pills and returns two weeks later as instructed.
Infuriated, she confronted the doctor. "What kind of medicine is this? I'm still farting just as much? They still don't make any noise, but now they stink terribly!"

The doctor nodded, "It's alright, now that we have your sinus' cleared up, we'll work on your hearing next!"

[Bill Z]

Frank was excited about his new rifle and decided to try some bear hunting. He traveled up to Alaska, spotted a small brown bear and shot it.

Soon after there was a tap on his shoulder, and he turned around to see a big black bear.

The black bear said, 'That was a very bad mistake. That was my cousin. I'm going to give you two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have sex.'

After considering his situation briefly, Frank decided to accept the latter alternative.
So the black bear had his way with Frank. And even though he felt very sore for two weeks, Frank soon recovered and vowed revenge.
He headed out on another trip to Alaska where he found the same black bear and shot it dead.

Right after, there was another tap on his shoulder. This time a huge grizzly bear stood right next to him.

The grizzly said, 'That was a big mistake, Frank. You killed a cousin of mine and now you've got two choices: Either I maul you to death or we have rough sex.'

Again, Frank thought it was better to cooperate with the grizzly bear than be mauled to death. So the grizzly had his way with Frank.
Although he survived, it took several months before Frank fully recovered.

This time Frank was completely outraged, so he headed back to Alaska and managed to track down the very same grizzly bear and shot it- dead.

He felt sweet revenge, but then, moments later, there was another tap on his shoulder. He turned around to find a giant polar bear standing there.

The polar bear looked at him and said, 'Admit it, Frank. You don't come here for the hunting, do you?'

[Andrea V]

As I booked into a hotel, I said to the receptionist, "I hope the porn channel in my room is disabled."

"No," she says, "It’s regular porn, you sick bastard."