367 replies to this topic

[camay2327]

Good point.

Where did the white man go wrong?

Indian Chief 'Two Eagles' was asked by a white government official, 'You have observed the white man for 90 years. You've seen his wars and his technological advances. You've seen his progress, and the damage he's done.The Chief nodded in agreement.The official continued, 'Considering all these events, in your opinion, where did the white man go wrong?' The Chief stared at the government official for over a minute and then calmly replied. 'When white man find land, Indians running it, no taxes, no debt, plenty buffalo, plenty beaver, clean water.Women did all the work, Medicine man free. Indian man spend all day hunting and fishing; all night having sex.' Then the chief leaned back and smiled. 'Only white man dumb enough to think he could improve system like that.'

[eVader]

Camay that is a great one. It makes you laugh and think.

[mylo]

[camay2327]

Laugh, darn it.......


George Bush Sings Sinatra

http://www.youtube.c...feature=related


Bush singing "I'm too sexy for my..."

http://www.youtube.c...feature=related


Bush Singing Imagine all the people




Laugh, darn it....

[Dave Burrell]

WHAT IS CELIBACY?

Celibacy can be a choice in life, or a condition imposed by circumstances.

While attending a Marriage Weekend, Kurt and his wife, Leigh Ann, listened to the instructor declare, "It is essential that husbands and wives know the things that are important to each other."

He addressed the men, "Can you name and describe your wife's favorite flower?"

Kurt leaned over, touched Leigh Ann's arm gently, and whispered, "Gold Medal-All-Purpose, isn't it?"


And thus began Kurt's life of celibacy.

[eVader]

BOB AND THE BLONDE

Bob, a handsome dude, walked into a sports bar around 9:58 PM.
He sat down next to a blonde at the bar and stared up at the TV.

The 10:00 PM news was coming on. The news crew was covering a story of a man on a ledge of a large building preparing to jump.

The blonde looked at Bob and said, 'Do you think he'll jump?'
Bob says, 'You know, I bet he'll jump.'

The blonde replied, 'Well, I bet he won't.' Bob placed a $20 bill on the bar and said, 'You're on!'

Just as the blonde placed her money on the bar, the guy on the ledge did a swan dive off the building, falling to his death.

The blonde was very upset, but willingly handed her $20 to Bob, saying, 'Fair's fair. Here's your money.'

Bob replied, 'I can't take your money, I saw this earlier on the 5 PM news and so I knew he would jump.'
The blond replied, 'I did too; but I didn't think he'd do it again.'

............ Bob took the money...

[Darth Lefty]

An ol lady goes to the doctor and tells him, "I can't stop farting! It's the strangest thing. They don't smell and they don't make noise so it hasn't hurt me socially, but it's really annoying. I must have farted twenty times just waiting in here for you!"

"Hmm," says the doctor, and writes her a prescription, and tells her to come back in two weeks.

Two weeks later she tells him, "What did you do!?!? What was in those pills? I fart as much as ever and they're still silent but they smell terribly."

The doctor tells her, "That was for your sinuses. Next we're going to work on your hearing!"

[Andrea V]

An ol lady goes to the doctor and tells him, "I can't stop farting! It's the strangest thing. They don't smell and they don't make noise so it hasn't hurt me socially, but it's really annoying. I must have farted twenty times just waiting in here for you!"

"Hmm," says the doctor, and writes her a prescription, and tells her to come back in two weeks.

Two weeks later she tells him, "What did you do!?!? What was in those pills? I fart as much as ever and they're still silent but they smell terribly."

The doctor tells her, "That was for your sinuses. Next we're going to work on your hearing!"

i posted that on #223...

[Darth Lefty]

Sorry, lost track of which forum's joke thread I was on... it's good!

[camay2327]

Not a Joke, but...

Read This Slowly


Jack took a long look at his speedometer
before slowing down: 73 in a 55 zone.
Fourth time in as many months.
How could a guy get caught so often?


When his car had slowed to 10 miles an hour,
Jack pulled over, but only partially.
Let the cop worry about the potential traffic hazard.
Maybe some other car will tweak his backside with a mirror.
The cop was stepping out of his car,
the big pad in hand.




Bob? Bob from Church?
Jack sunk farther into his trench coat.
This was worse than the coming ticket.
A cop catching a guy from his own church.
A guy who happened to be a little eager
to get home after a long day at the office.
A guy he was about to play golf with tomorrow.




Jumping out of the car,
he approached a man he saw every Sunday,
a man he'd never seen in uniform.




'Hi, Bob. Fancy meeting you like this.'




'Hello, Jack.' No smile.



'Guess you caught me red-handed
in a rush to see my wife and kids.'



'Yeah, I guess.' Bob seemed uncertain.
Good.




'I've seen some long days at the office lately.
I'm afraid I bent the rules a bit -just this once.'



Jack toed at a pebble on the pavement.
'Diane said something about roast beef and potatoes tonight.
Know what I mean?'



'I know what you mean.
I also know that you have a reputation in our precinct .'
Ouch.
This was not going in the right direction.
Time to change tactics.




'What'd you clock me at?'



'Seventy. Would you sit back in your car please?'




'Now wait a minute here, Bob.
I checked as soon as I saw you.
I was barely nudging 65.'
The lie seemed to come easier with every ticket.




'Please, Jack, in the car'




Flustered, Jack hunched himself through the still-open door. Slamming it shut, he stared at the dashboard.
He was in no rush to open the window.



The minutes ticked by.
Bob scribbled away on the pad.




Why hadn't he asked for a driver's license?



Whatever the reason,
it would be a month of Sundays
before Jack ever sat near this cop again.



A tap on the door jerked his head to the left.
There was Bob, a folded paper in hand
Jack rolled down the window a mere two inches,
just enough room for Bob to pass him the slip.





'Thanks.'
Jack could not quite keep the sneer out of his voice.




Bob returned to his police car without a word.
Jack watched his retreat in the mirror.
Jack unfolded the sheet of paper.
How much was this one going to cost?






Wait a minute.
What was this? Some kind of joke?



Certainly not a ticket. Jack began to read:




'Dear Jack, Once upon a time I had a daughter.
She was six when killed by a car.
You guessed it - a speeding driver.
A fine and three months in jail, and the man was free.
Free to hug his daughters, all three of them.
I only had one, and I'm going to have to wait until Heaven
before I can ever hug her again.




A thousand times I've tried to forgive that man.
A thousand times I thought I had.
Maybe I did, but I need to do it again.
Even now.
Pray for me.
And be careful, Jack,
my son is all I have left.'




'Bob'




Jack turned around in time to see Bob's car
pull away and head down the road.
Jack watched until it disappeared.
A full 15 minutes later, he too,
pulled away and drove slowly home,
praying for forgiveness and
hugging a surprised wife and kids when he arrived.




Life is precious.
Handle with care.

Drive safely and carefully.
Remember, cars are not the only things
recalled by their maker.



God Bless You!!!!!!

[Andrea V]

i like that...

[Darth Lefty]

It's a nice story but why do you keep putting these in the joke thread?

[camay2327]

It's a nice story but why do you keep putting these in the joke thread?

Darth, I guess I could start a new thread for items like this. What would I call it?

Items of interest!!! ??

[Andrea V]

Darth, I guess I could start a new thread for items like this. What would I call it?

Items of interest!!! ??

camay's cool stories?

[camay2327]

camay's cool stories?

I could do that...