22 replies to this topic

[tessieca]

There are drawbacks to explanations. My kids tend to use them as a means for arguing, begging, and negotiating. When they follow you around the house complaining about your "reasons" for the next hour, you easily get to the "because I said so" point.

[whome_209]

I am sure it's all in the culture.  It derived from the respect and honor of the elders. 

I find this true with me as well. I find that it derives from me growing up and respecting my elders and at the same time providing that model role behavior to my brothers, sisters and younger relatives. But now I think that in general we as Americans in this society have loosen up way too much. 30 years ago we used words such as "sir and mam" to those we respect, work for and to our elders but now we don't find that in the younger generation. Kind of sad and how do you think we can fix it?

[bishmasterb]

But now I think that in general we as Americans in this society have loosen up way too much. 30 years ago we used words such as "sir and mam" to those we respect, work for and to our elders but now we don't find that in the younger generation. Kind of sad and how do you think we can fix it?

Sir and ma'am represent a formality whose time has fortunately gone. They may still be applicable for strangers (although I would think most women would rather be mistaken for a "miss" than a "ma'am").

I haven't seen anyone in business that needs to be called sir in quite a long time, although admittedly I'm fairly removed from the corporate world.

[Steve Heard]

I am sure it's all in the culture.  It derived from the respect and honor of the elders. 

In Vietnam everyone respects the elders, the younger respect the older.  We all just follow that tradition.  We even had class about manner in junior high.  My dad taught us to say thank you to the older relatives.  etc etc.  The older brothers and sisters have the respect of the younger ones in the family.  The whole society pretty much follows a pecking order.  Any deviation from the norm will be criticized or punished.  (Does that sound like conservativism?    )

YES!

[Steve Heard]

Tessieca

You are so right! My kids have become experts at debating me. Sometimes they can convince me, and if I've been unreasonable, I give in. Still, they often end up not going out, or not having someone sleep over (their two main goals in life) regardless of their negotiating, arguing, debating and schmoozing.

Bish

Sir and ma'am are rare in this area, but elsewhere in the country, particularly in the South, those terms of respect are still common.

I use both frequently, but I have been told by women, 'Don't call me ma'am, it makes me feel old'. I've never meant it out of anything other than respect.

[bordercolliefan]

This touches on another difficult issue regarding children's manners -- namely, how do they address non-family adults?

In my day, the neighbors were "Mr. Smith" and "Mrs. Jones." None of us kids would ever dream of addressing a neighbor as "Jeannette" or "Charles."

Nowadays, kids all seem to use adults' first names. In part, this is practical, because with many married couples using different last names, it can be confusing to try to remember which last names to use.

However, I don't like my children addressing adults as they would address peers. I feel it is important for them to have a form of address that signifies respect and reminds my children that adults are authority figures to be obeyed -- not equals. I've settled on the compromise of letting the children call adults "Mr. Joe" or "Ms. Ann"... that way, we don't get into the minefield of figuring out everyone's last names, but it reminds the children that adults are due special respect.

[FolsomJunior00]

What bothers me is kids calling their parents by their first names......i have many a friend that yells at their parents by their first name. If i did that at my house, id be slapped. Im not allowed to call any adult by their first name (unless i have been given permission by that adult), let alone my parents. Its just the way ive been brought up

[cybertrano]

you are a good man folsomJr00!! it's terrible when kids call their parents by first names. My dad would executed me on the spot if I did that.

What bothers me is kids calling their parents by their first names......i have many a friend that yells at their parents by their first name. If i did that at my house, id be slapped. Im not allowed to call any adult by their first name (unless i have been given permission by that adult), let alone my parents. Its just the way ive been brought up