I once did a job for a very wealthy shipping company owner. He had a house on the La Jolla bluffs. His home had been in magazines, he had pictures of himself with celebrities...and yet he was the most down to earth person you could ever hope to meet.
None of what he had was given to him, and he instilled that in his children. I remember being amazed one day to see his 16 year old daughter out mowing the lawn. He understood the difference between earning something and being given something.
What a delightful change of pace from the self-important, image culturing, plastic people of wealthy So Cal with their ridiculous public persona veneers.
Kids Before Parents Phenomenon
Started by
asbestoshills
, Jan 22 2012 10:31 AM
40 replies to this topic
#16
The Average Joe
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Posted 23 January 2012 - 10:05 PM
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive" -- C.S. Lewis
If the only way to combat "global warming" was to lower taxes, we would never hear of the issue again. - Anonymous
"Society in every state is a blessing, but Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one" — Thomas Paine, 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 (1776)
#17
folsombound
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Posted 25 January 2012 - 08:32 AM
I think this article say a lot about how Americans (primarily) 'spoil' their kids, compared to parents in other countries (in this case France).
http://www.huffingto...nk2&pLid=129900
http://www.huffingto...nk2&pLid=129900
#18
AMETHYST PRODUCTIVITY
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Posted 25 January 2012 - 08:54 AM
Great article! Thanks.
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#19
asbestoshills
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Posted 25 January 2012 - 09:06 AM
Ditto and I love the term "Trophy Kid!" Too many trophy kids in Folsom, lol! What are you going to do this weekend, let me guess.....taking your kids to comp soccer, paying for a hotel in the bay area or other location and eating out every meal. Too bad you can't write your trophy kid's activities on your taxes! Also, the money spent on such extravagant comp teams will certainly cost triple compared to the 50-75% scholarship they may receive if they are the top 10 players. Good luck with that!
Americans, don't just come in one color or race.
#20
the_professor
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 07:17 AM
I so agree with this thread. My kids do not have Iphones or an XBox - we do have a WI that they saved for. They do not play sports because we can't afford the costs. Our weekends are spent hiking, reading and doing things together, sometimes they like it and sometimes they don't. We chose to have a stay at home parent and feel that is worth the sacrifice of other material things. Our kids often ask why they don't have the "toys" their other friends have and why the oldest has to complete her general ed at Folsom Lake College instead of going straight to University. We tell them you have to work for the things you want, learn to save and not go into debt for things you don't really need. They will know how to support themselves when the time comes to leave the safety of home,(we hope). One of our daughter's friends got a $10,000 sports car for her 16th birthday. Our oldest drives the family car, pays her own insurance and gas and cell phone bill and claims she is the only kid in Folsom required to do so. We are proud of that!
#21
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 08:05 AM
Our oldest drives the family car, pays her own insurance and gas and cell phone bill and claims she is the only kid in Folsom required to do so. We are proud of that!
Ours did the same and at the time we were rare birds as well.
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#22
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 04:05 PM
I think we will have to cope with a lot of EVEN more dysfunctional young adults in the future. I see it now with young adults unable to hold jobs and making wrong choices.
I read that parents can now look toward to their kids living with them until they are well in their mid twenties. By acquaintance, I know of a forty three year old man who has never moved from the home he shares with his mother.
Can you say, "Failure to launch"? (Watch the movie)
I started demanding chores for allowance money early and have never regretted it. Oh yeah, I got called mean for demanding my kids earn their money by pitching in around the house, but my kids now can clean house, cook, do laundry and know what a clean bathroom really means. They take pride in their homes and truly appreciate the things they have earned.
I did not serve my kids as a maid nor did I play the part of their Fairy God Mother and give them everything they wanted, and it's worked for their benefit as well as mine.
I think some parents cave in just to shut the kids up. Sad. The apple don't fall far from the tree!
I read that parents can now look toward to their kids living with them until they are well in their mid twenties. By acquaintance, I know of a forty three year old man who has never moved from the home he shares with his mother.
Can you say, "Failure to launch"? (Watch the movie)
I started demanding chores for allowance money early and have never regretted it. Oh yeah, I got called mean for demanding my kids earn their money by pitching in around the house, but my kids now can clean house, cook, do laundry and know what a clean bathroom really means. They take pride in their homes and truly appreciate the things they have earned.
I did not serve my kids as a maid nor did I play the part of their Fairy God Mother and give them everything they wanted, and it's worked for their benefit as well as mine.
I think some parents cave in just to shut the kids up. Sad. The apple don't fall far from the tree!
#23
supermom
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 05:11 PM
I don't know, I've been thinking about demanding chores for money too.
They do the chores then pay me a fee because i trained them how to complete a skill they will need for the rest of their lives.
I am the educator. My home is the University.
No effing way I am gonna pay them to learn. They do it because they are a member of the family. They do it because we are family and care for each other.
They do it because I say so. Because I am the adult and if they don't like it then they can prematurely grow up and have their own home.
They do the chores then pay me a fee because i trained them how to complete a skill they will need for the rest of their lives.
I am the educator. My home is the University.
No effing way I am gonna pay them to learn. They do it because they are a member of the family. They do it because we are family and care for each other.
They do it because I say so. Because I am the adult and if they don't like it then they can prematurely grow up and have their own home.
#24
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Posted 26 January 2012 - 10:00 PM
Kids these days! Man.
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Genesis 49:16-17
http://www.active2030folsom.org
#25
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Posted 27 January 2012 - 12:10 AM
I totally agree! I tell my kids that they do chores because they are part of the household, that chores are kind of a rent they pay their whole life. I give them a dollar a week allowance separate from chores.I don't know, I've been thinking about demanding chores for money too.
They do the chores then pay me a fee because i trained them how to complete a skill they will need for the rest of their lives.
I am the educator. My home is the University.
No effing way I am gonna pay them to learn. They do it because they are a member of the family. They do it because we are family and care for each other.
They do it because I say so. Because I am the adult and if they don't like it then they can prematurely grow up and have their own home.
My ten year old just got a cell phone, which I wasn't completely supportive of her getting. But she did the research on the plans, found out that it was just $10 a month to be added, paid for the phone herself (she saves her gifted money & the money she makes helping others) and said that her allowance would pay for the $5 a month I would pay when splitting the cost with her Dad. She's responsible, well behaved, does well in school, and this isn't something that is unaffordable. I hope my kids make every similar decision with this much thought because I'm not throwing anything at them!
#26
the_professor
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Posted 27 January 2012 - 12:59 PM
Just look at the Folsom Jr. Bull(y) Dogs.My experience growing up, jocks were the biggest group of jerks on campus.
I'm sure some of them were decent people, but collectively as a whole, not so good.
#27
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Posted 27 January 2012 - 01:46 PM
Agree with the original post that parents should not teach materialism. No materialistic crap.
But I would stress that being generous to your kids in all things educational pays dividends. Also a lot of learned behaviors are from how the parents act and behave themselves. They maybe materialistic if the parents are, they maybe generous if the parents are. They also maybe tight. Be the person you want them to be.
But I would stress that being generous to your kids in all things educational pays dividends. Also a lot of learned behaviors are from how the parents act and behave themselves. They maybe materialistic if the parents are, they maybe generous if the parents are. They also maybe tight. Be the person you want them to be.
#28
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Posted 27 January 2012 - 02:10 PM
Agree with the original post that parents should not teach materialism. No materialistic crap.
But I would stress that being generous to your kids in all things educational pays dividends. Also a lot of learned behaviors are from how the parents act and behave themselves. They maybe materialistic if the parents are, they maybe generous if the parents are. They also maybe tight. Be the person you want them to be.
Good post, Sonny. History is full of many parents who worked hard, scrimped, and saved to try to give their kids better opportunities than they had--whether it be private school, music lessons, college, or whatever. Usually we regard it as a good quality when parents want to give their kids the best possible start in life, as opposed to spending their money on luxuries for themselves.
You can work hard to give your children the best possible opportunities, and still teach them to be kind, polite, and of service to others. The two are not inconsistent.
#29
asbestoshills
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Posted 27 January 2012 - 07:10 PM
True and I wish more parents would give their kids a better education instead of a better cell phone and plan;) Ditto for the Ipads, luxury vacations and high fashions. AN investement is something you get back and last time I checked Ipads, cars and clothes aren't investments no matter how u slice it.
Americans, don't just come in one color or race.
#30
supermom
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Posted 28 January 2012 - 10:56 AM
I'm Ok with giving kids Ipad and Ipods if they show the responsibility needed to care for it/ respect it, etc.
I think that providing these types of things is an educational curve. In Technology. High fashion teaches children how to hold their own in a forum they expect to be in, as they are adults. Fast cars are an expression of that expectation or just a really irresponsible and stupid parental choice.The kids that get a football for xmas; will be the ones' that get on the team and become your local celebrated jock (with discipline, hard work and talent). The kid that gets the computer for xmas becomes the ceo of a startup company and has hundreds of employees under him before he is 30( again, with discipline, hard work, talent)
What I have a problem with is the kids that just get, get get, and show no natural talent, no interest in self-improvement, and manage somehow to become failures later on (or spectacular pyramid schemers).
I'm ok with mediocrity if mediocrity is what you want. I'm ok with hard labor in a back breaking future, if that is what you love to do.
To each his own and many families have it hardwired in their DNA what they do well in. Lead, invent, fix, destroy, etc.
Anyway, I do expect my children to do chores. I expect them to care for their own laundry. But do I spoil them with little stuff? Sure. When I can. Do I put them in sports? Yes when I can. It puts them in a healthy environment where they make contact with peers their own age, learn lifelong lessons in proper behavior, learn how to problem solve, socialize, etc. And if my child was talented enough to go to comp ball I would put them in it. Scholarships are not as easy to get as you would think.
Professor please stop knocking the kids in this town. it is so old.
I think that providing these types of things is an educational curve. In Technology. High fashion teaches children how to hold their own in a forum they expect to be in, as they are adults. Fast cars are an expression of that expectation or just a really irresponsible and stupid parental choice.The kids that get a football for xmas; will be the ones' that get on the team and become your local celebrated jock (with discipline, hard work and talent). The kid that gets the computer for xmas becomes the ceo of a startup company and has hundreds of employees under him before he is 30( again, with discipline, hard work, talent)
What I have a problem with is the kids that just get, get get, and show no natural talent, no interest in self-improvement, and manage somehow to become failures later on (or spectacular pyramid schemers).
I'm ok with mediocrity if mediocrity is what you want. I'm ok with hard labor in a back breaking future, if that is what you love to do.
To each his own and many families have it hardwired in their DNA what they do well in. Lead, invent, fix, destroy, etc.
Anyway, I do expect my children to do chores. I expect them to care for their own laundry. But do I spoil them with little stuff? Sure. When I can. Do I put them in sports? Yes when I can. It puts them in a healthy environment where they make contact with peers their own age, learn lifelong lessons in proper behavior, learn how to problem solve, socialize, etc. And if my child was talented enough to go to comp ball I would put them in it. Scholarships are not as easy to get as you would think.
Professor please stop knocking the kids in this town. it is so old.
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