46 replies to this topic

[awood]

Or if you were woken up in the middle of the night to noises in your backyard and you saw a kid hiding out in it?

I feel much better about a kid hiding in my yard than the drunk ahole practicing his drums at 1:00am or the rednecks with their monster trucks reving their cigarette boat engine for hours.

Okay, so I am from a simple place called the Midwest. Kids need rules and freedom to test those rules and I am the first to hold them responsible when they break them. NO kids shouldn't be in your back yard, BUT I don't think they are brooding ax-murders "casing the joint".

And the funny part is that we describe them as "Jr. High or HS age kids". Based on a discussion on an earlier forum regarding Kindergarten starting date, that could mean kids 10-17 yrs. old...prime kid years. Before my kid turned 10, I wouldn't let him leave the house without me physically being able to "see" him. At 12, he could head up or down the street, still within eye shot. So if it was my kid in your back yard, he would have been 13-17 and testing the limits of his new found freedom. I would hope someone chewed his heinnie enough to scare him in to not doing it again and if they let me know, I would make sure.

Some folks live under the conspiracy theory that someone is always out to get them, I won't attempt to change them and I can't understand them. But I do understand that kids will do stupid stuff and should be accountable for it.....but they are still gonna do stupid stuff.

And to the folks that say, "Things where differant when _____"...thats just what our parents said! HAHA

[MSgt]

I think one of the problems now days is that neighbors don't know each other very well. When i was a kid, everyone knew the kids and where they lived. Only once did I ever see the police called on one of the kids in the neighborhood.
My cousin John was found by our next door neighbors naked in the their (next door neighbors) back yard. No one knew where his clothes were or what was going on. He said he didn't know. That neighbor called the police. My mom came home from work and found John being talked to by the police. She came out and talked the police into giving him to her to deal with. She threw a robe on him and marched him down to my aunts house (her sister). To this day, still - no one really knows what happened. And 'John' is still a little strange at 45yrs old. He seems ok when he takes his medication.

[wrabbit]

Yeah, I remember my grandmother gossiping over the fence about other neighbors or talking on the phone to the woman down the street, about the latest goings on in the neighborhood. She knew more about other people's business, than she did her own. All the neighbors knew each other, alright!

One thing about current living, is we have so many devices, with which our kids can make contact with other kids/strangers, and their conversations go undetected. The computer has "My Space" and the cell phones have "Text Messaging", which don't always allow the parents to know what their kids are planning. I never had this when I was kid. I had no privacy when making phone calls, so had to speak to my friends in person, if I didn't want my folks to hear what I said. My parents made it clear that until I was of legal age, I would not have any privacy. Now, many parents feel that their children have a right to privacy and treat them like adults.

I don't think there are many people that feel everyone is out to get them. But, I feel that if one doesn't see reality for what it is, they may be living with a false sense of security, which is equally as bad as being paranoid.

To be prepared and concerned is not thinking in a conspiracy like manner, but some here would like us to see things in black and white, rather than know there are many gray areas which exist....and that is the reality of it. To hear them talk, one would have to believe nothing bad will EVER happen to good people, AND, that everyone who suggests we live in more dangerous times, is a conspiracy nut with paranoid tendencies!

I think it's fair to say that sexual predators have more opportunities today, than they did before the computer or cell phone came along. Many abductions have come about from the child thinking they were in contact with another kid, when in fact, they were talking to a sexual predator. Sadly, they don't find this out until they meet them someplace, and their parents know nothing about it.

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[cw68]

This just proves my belief that knowing your neighbors is the single best thing you can do to help prevent crime in your neighborhood. There's a big difference between being friends with your neighbors (for those who simply don't want to be friends with their neighbors) and knowing your neighbors. My block is great. We know who all our neighbors are and we all look out for one another. Some work, some stay home, some are retired, some are friendly, some are private, but at the very least we know each other by sight, know each other's cars and the like. When we leave for vacation we tell our neighbors and then we look out for each other a little more. I know the kids on the block and my kids know they always have a number of houses there for them in an emergency.

As for the cell phones, I hate them. It's not just a privacy issue. When Katie stops calling Emily you don't have that little window to open up conversations on friendships and problem solving. You don't know your kid's friends, you don't know who calls and the same goes for your spouses' cell phone too.

[wrabbit]

This just proves my belief that knowing your neighbors is the single best thing you can do to help prevent crime in your neighborhood. There's a big difference between being friends with your neighbors (for those who simply don't want to be friends with their neighbors) and knowing your neighbors. My block is great. We know who all our neighbors are and we all look out for one another. Some work, some stay home, some are retired, some are friendly, some are private, but at the very least we know each other by sight, know each other's cars and the like. When we leave for vacation we tell our neighbors and then we look out for each other a little more. I know the kids on the block and my kids know they always have a number of houses there for them in an emergency.

As for the cell phones, I hate them. It's not just a privacy issue. When Katie stops calling Emily you don't have that little window to open up conversations on friendships and problem solving. You don't know your kid's friends, you don't know who calls and the same goes for your spouses' cell phone too.

Yep, I agree totally about the cell phones. I wish there were a way to block anyone from calling my daughter's cell phone, that I don't know personally.

When I was a teen, my Mom would ask everybody that called for me what their first and last name was and where they lived. She said she didn't want to lose the connection and be blamed for me missing a call.
But the truth was, she was looking out for me. We had some gangs around that were getting kids phone numbers and calling them to sell them drugs. (they had the telemarketing down even then) I had been busted for Pot and was on restriction, so couldn't talk to anybody she didn't know, and although at the time I resented it, I'm glad she did that now.

Maybe someday there will be devices on the cell phones for parental blocking and only accepting known callers, or only allowing certain calls to be made. I don't know why we can't do that now, with the technology we have. Seems like we should be able to, if certain mechanical devices were in place.

As for a spouse's cell phone, that is a matter of trust that you should have with them. Not much else to say about that.....
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[cw68]

Yes, we should have that trust with spouses, but it's just another area of our lives that we take away the openness, the transparency. (I wasn't inferring anything else.) My Mom talked on the phone in the kitchen and everyone could hear her. When my Dad talked on the phone, the house had to be quiet, he was a stickler about it. Cordless and cell phones have changed all of that. If your spouses uses his/her cell phone all the time, you don't have that incidental contact with their friends. When I want to call Mylo or his wifey, I have two numbers from which to choose. I don't even know their home number. If it's Mylo I need to speak with, I call his. If it's Wifey, I call hers. Never the two shall meet...

As for call blocking, I have a novel approach that I know my kids are going to hate with a capital H, when they come in the door (they don't have phones now), their phones will go on the fireplace mantle. Accessible for whatever texts they just must have, but I'm actually going to request that they use the house phone for their calls, that they aren't to answer their cell phones when they are in the house. I'm sure it will be one of those weird things and I'll be that parent that all the kids will talk about, but it's not like they can't get calls. Oh, and their cell phones will be in my room at night so I know they aren't up all night on the phone AND that their friends have the common decency not to call at all hours.

[Darthvader]

Yes, we should have that trust with spouses, but it's just another area of our lives that we take away the openness, the transparency. (I wasn't inferring anything else.) My Mom talked on the phone in the kitchen and everyone could hear her. When my Dad talked on the phone, the house had to be quiet, he was a stickler about it. Cordless and cell phones have changed all of that. If your spouses uses his/her cell phone all the time, you don't have that incidental contact with their friends. When I want to call Mylo or his wifey, I have two numbers from which to choose. I don't even know their home number. If it's Mylo I need to speak with, I call his. If it's Wifey, I call hers. Never the two shall meet...

As for call blocking, I have a novel approach that I know my kids are going to hate with a capital H, when they come in the door (they don't have phones now), their phones will go on the fireplace mantle. Accessible for whatever texts they just must have, but I'm actually going to request that they use the house phone for their calls, that they aren't to answer their cell phones when they are in the house. I'm sure it will be one of those weird things and I'll be that parent that all the kids will talk about, but it's not like they can't get calls. Oh, and their cell phones will be in my room at night so I know they aren't up all night on the phone AND that their friends have the common decency not to call at all hours.

Do you hand your kids a rule book with all the guidelines, caveats and sub-sections? I don't see how you can keep track of all the things you say and make it work in any positive manner.

[cw68]

Do you hand your kids a rule book with all the guidelines, caveats and sub-sections? I don't see how you can keep track of all the things you say and make it work in any positive manner.

No, haven't had to go to the cell phone thing yet. I just see a simple (!) way of working it. Cell phone on the fireplace mantle and in my room at night so I know you're not calling all night. Ask friends to call on the home phone before cell. Doesn't seem all that difficult to me.

[Deb aka Resume Lady]

No, haven't had to go to the cell phone thing yet. I just see a simple (!) way of working it. Cell phone on the fireplace mantle and in my room at night so I know you're not calling all night. Ask friends to call on the home phone before cell. Doesn't seem all that difficult to me.

It's not difficult, and it is good parenting.

[wrabbit]

Yes, we should have that trust with spouses, but it's just another area of our lives that we take away the openness, the transparency. (I wasn't inferring anything else.) My Mom talked on the phone in the kitchen and everyone could hear her. When my Dad talked on the phone, the house had to be quiet, he was a stickler about it. Cordless and cell phones have changed all of that. If your spouses uses his/her cell phone all the time, you don't have that incidental contact with their friends. When I want to call Mylo or his wifey, I have two numbers from which to choose. I don't even know their home number. If it's Mylo I need to speak with, I call his. If it's Wifey, I call hers. Never the two shall meet...

As for call blocking, I have a novel approach that I know my kids are going to hate with a capital H, when they come in the door (they don't have phones now), their phones will go on the fireplace mantle. Accessible for whatever texts they just must have, but I'm actually going to request that they use the house phone for their calls, that they aren't to answer their cell phones when they are in the house. I'm sure it will be one of those weird things and I'll be that parent that all the kids will talk about, but it's not like they can't get calls. Oh, and their cell phones will be in my room at night so I know they aren't up all night on the phone AND that their friends have the common decency not to call at all hours.

Well, with the costs of everything going up, I would think that would decrease the number of calls and maybe save you some money on the cell phone bill, depending on the plan you have.

Many kids think that having a cell phone is their right, but it's actually a luxury. I had to remind my oldest daughter that she could do without a cell phone, if she had to, and that if she decided to get sassy with me about it, we could give that idea a test. She shut up very quickly, because she knows I'm not kidding when it comes to that.

We have already been through the talking all night thing, and the cell phones now get locked up for the night after eight....earlier, if there hasn't been homework done. Eight o'clock is the time to go get showers and prepare for bed, if it hasn't been done by then. If the homework is neglected we start taking the cell phones away...it's a great incentive for our girls, because they hate that. Last year my oldest had her phone taken for one month, due to her disobedience and poor grades. After that she toned things down a lot.

Every so often I make a little comment to them that cell phones are NOT a necessity and that we CAN do without them. Just to remind them they are on thin ice.

Don't you just love to negotiate? LOL!

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[Darthvader]

No, haven't had to go to the cell phone thing yet. I just see a simple (!) way of working it. Cell phone on the fireplace mantle and in my room at night so I know you're not calling all night. Ask friends to call on the home phone before cell. Doesn't seem all that difficult to me.

Earlier you said "let kids be kids" but at the same time it's lockdown from all that new fangled technology. Didn't you ever talk on the phone to your friends late at night? And texts that they just must have? How do you determine that? You're going to confuse the heck out of them with all the "if-then" statements of your guidance.

[cw68]

Earlier you said "let kids be kids" but at the same time it's lockdown from all that new fangled technology. Didn't you ever talk on the phone to your friends late at night? And texts that they just must have? How do you determine that? You're going to confuse the heck out of them with all the "if-then" statements of your guidance.

No, I didn't talk on the phone at night. Seriously, my parents would have gone off on me and I respected their rules, even if it was because it was forced on me. I determine those texts that they just have to have as my compromise, but still want the house phone to be how their friends get a hold of them when they are in the house. It's pretty much the rule of thumb I use for myself, so I'm not expecting something from them that I'm not willing to do myself.

And, yeah, parenting is often and if-then kind of thing.

[awood]

Earlier you said "let kids be kids" but at the same time it's lockdown from all that new fangled technology. Didn't you ever talk on the phone to your friends late at night? And texts that they just must have? How do you determine that? You're going to confuse the heck out of them with all the "if-then" statements of your guidance.

It's a pretty clear message at our house that a cell phone is a tool for communication when necessary at our house. Cell phones go on the charger (in the kitchen..not in anyones room) at night and we blocked text messaging. I know I sounded like my Dad when we went to the cell phone provider and asked them to block the text messaging function, but my Dad did OK as a parent and I am comfortable repeating his "prejudice" on some items.

Text messaging was a no-brainer for us. IF you need to communicate, you should be able to verbalize your thoughts in public....if you can't, it's probably something you shouldn't be saying! It's our little "trick" to encourage our kids to actually "talk" to their friends.

[supermom]

I had been busted for Pot and was on restriction, so couldn't talk to anybody she didn't know, and although at the time I resented it, I'm glad she did that now.

Ah ha ha ha ha!!!

Now I know why you are so paranoid!!! Too funny. You got busted for pot!!!

Danged kids--they do the silliest things sometimes.


Whew---my kids get busted the first thing I'm gonna ask is: Do you have any idea how many weeks of phone privledges and friend hang out times you just lost?

Then I'm gonna march em down to the docs office an have a lobotomy done.


Geez--It really scares me that my kids will get mixed up in this stuff.

One of em is in Sutter right now and tells me their are tons of drugs, prescriptions, cigarettes and designer stuff there.
Oi' ---how come I never noticed that stuff going on--'till I was in HS?

[tessieca]

That always weirds me out. I've had fences my whole life. Can't imagine not having privacy in my own back yard...

Reminds me of the discussion in an old thread where Farley noted his enjoyment of nude sun bathing in his fenced backyard. That would be quite a surprise for another young man !

My Mom talked on the phone in the kitchen and everyone could hear her. When my Dad talked on the phone, the house had to be quiet, he was a stickler about it.

I'm probably dating myself, but we had a party line when I was a kid in Wisconsin. Nothing was private, and my dad had to yell at the neighbor when he wanted to make a phone call because she talked so much.

Re the main thread, I think it's okay for kids to be kids and to play; however, my concern with having kids in my backyard would be that they would hurt themselves climbing my fence and then sue me for injuries.