CW68...I agree. I am not trying to parent where I provide everything for my son either but at this point (18 months) it's almost a given that I do. Time will tell how my parenting skills will develop.
I do not agree with people letting children fend for themselves. Unfortunately, you have to provide guidance (and not entertain with crap like clothes, cellphones etc) but give them outlets to blow off steam. Sports and educational things should be a must to help develop your child. You cannot 24/7 entertain or provide them with everything but you can 24/7 educate and that I fear is where we don't agree.
Most parents I have witnessed are involved so much with their own lives, agendas, work and activities. They fail to recognize that they even had a child and that their job is to guide them to adulthood, not to worry about their own desires as much. That is why you see most tweens and teens obsessed with clothing, electronic gadgets and being cool. They look to t.v. (aka babysitter) and other child for what is cool, the norm and acceptable behavior. I've watched a few tween shows and I was appauled by their language, behavior and attitude towards eachother, teachers and adults! It was horrible.
I on the other hand, was kept so busy with educational/sports activities that those things (t.v., gadgets, being coll) did not matter...nor still do to this day. I wore clothes from the goodwill and mervyns because that is what we could afford. I was provide with all the basics and was told that if I wanted anything additional I would work for it. I was not given extravagant gifts for chores, good grades, graduating, playing well in sports, those were expected, as should exceeding in life should be. We even worked as a family, selling mistletoe to earn our Christmas presents.
I never went without nor felt that I did. My mother kept our focus elsewhere and I am thankful everyday that she kept us busy. We are all (4 children) very sucessful in life both professionally and in our personal lives. Keeping your children busy is not what is wrong with kids today. The lack of it is though. Obesity, violence and overall lack of respect is due to making your kids....fend for themselves!
And I agree with what you're saying too.
The tween shows are horrible! My kids know what I don't want them watching and why. I've often brought up how the characters treat each other and have told them just how irritating/angry the show's soundtrack sounds.
I don't want them fending for themselves, I want them to be responsible for themselves and their actions. I think having them do chores and things around the house shows them that they are productive members of a whole. They are responsible for getting their homework done, it's not their parent's job to ask them every day if they've done it -- it's their job to show us it's done. That kind of stuff. Hopefully I'm showing them responsibility.
One time I heard that allowance isn't for doing chores, that you do chores as part of "life's rent." "Life's rent" is a constant, no matter whose roof you're under. I liked that. "Life's rent" is a concept that my kids know. It's doing work around the house, doing well in school, behaving appropriately, participating, respecting others, and generally just being a good egg. That's the minimum that's expected.
