235 replies to this topic

[chris v]

She is going to beat me up for this, it's from another thread:

not this time.... it was all for the kids playroom.
Thats what is cool about having 1 kid, he gets 2 bedrooms!

[Darth Lefty]

You guys all know, that this sort of stuff is how we handle things like this. We have always seeked advice from others before doing things. I think we are both ok, with this discussion, it could help both of us.

All right, never mind then.

[Nancy]

Speaking from the experience of an only child, you're putting some things on the line that you might want to think about.

I had a great childhood. Got along with my parents pretty well, even as a teen. No family to speak of on either side. The three of us just stuck together. Then my mom died of cancer when I was 23. My dad became suicidal and I was alone to deal with not only my own feelings, but try to keep my dad alive too. He eventually got some help and married again - she was awesome!. Then he died of cancer when I was 34. So, at 37, I'm alone in the world when it comes to my family of origin.

I told you that to tell you this --

Really consider what your extended family is like. Does your "thing" have aunts, uncles and cousins that will really truly be there for him if things go down a bad road? Not grandparents, who will pass on before him, but people of your generation and younger. If you're not there, are there people who will be there to go through life with him when he's 45 years old? Or is everything going to land on his shoulders because there's nobody else to do it, or to help, or even just call and say I'm having a rough day today, or ask for advice? There are decisions I've made just in the last couple years that were made solely because I had nowhere to go.

Most people don't think about their kids past the age of 20 or so. We all just assume they'll go to college and live happily ever after. But cr@p happens to adults too, and he'll need family every bit as much to get through the stuff that happens to him when he's 39 as he does when he's 9.

Having a younger sibling doesn't guarantee anything though. He's always going to be the oldest, the one that's responsible for caring for younger ones anyway. I'm sure that if I had a younger sibling, I may have gone through worse having to raise a grieving teenager on my own.

There aren't any guarantees in life either way. Personally, I wanted to have at least 4 kids, but ended up with health problems that kept me from having more than 2. Now my oldest is in kindergarten and my youngest will start preschool in a few months. I can't wait. Just the thought of having a few hours of freedom is like a light at the end of a tunnel.

So what does your "thing" say? Does he want another thing, or is he okay either way?

Nancy

[forumreader]

We all now know that the "thing" they are referring to is a child. A human being!

For the sake of the dignity and respect that all humans should have, can we please stop saying "thing," and say child or baby?!

[chris v]

We all now know that the "thing" they are referring to is a child. A human being!

For the sake of the dignity and respect that all humans should have, can we please stop saying "thing," and say child or baby?!

Why? It might be a wombat?

[Nancy]

We all now know that the "thing" they are referring to is a child. A human being!

For the sake of the dignity and respect that all humans should have, can we please stop saying "thing," and say child or baby?!

It was just my attempt to lighten up an otherwise morbid and depressing post.

My apologies.

:

Nancy

[mylo]

I love wombats! Get another!

[Nancy]

And does that mean if they do have one, they can't call it "it" before they know the sex? They'll have to call it "he and/or she"?

Is it a wombat? If it is, disregard my post. Having a wombat would have really messed things up. I'm decidedly anti-wombat in this case.

Nancy

[hopeanelli]

Now that we have all kind of figured out that it's a child... Can we try to be big kids and refer to it as such "a child" if you have to refer to it as a Thingy then maybe not old enough or responsible enough to have one or another one.... and if there is already a thingy maybe he/she could be refered to as my son/daughter showing maybe your proud to call he or she by what they are...

[stacycam]

One reason why I told Andrea to give it some time, is because you just never know how you'll feel. Reading Nancy's post reminded me about our decision to have a second. I am an only child, and while I think there is nothing wrong with it, Nancy stated some big bummers. To compound my issues, my parents are much older.

Anyway, we had decided FIRMLY that we were only having one. Three seats on an airline, one kid between the two parents, how could we be able to love them both, etc. Then, one day my friend's mom said, "when you only have one, you pin all your hopes and dreams on that one child. That's a lot of pressure." Wow. That hit me hard. That was always how I felt growing up. If I failed, it was big because I was everything to them.

You never know what will resonate with you. My friend's mom's comment resonated with me, and now I have another child. Some day, someone might say something that hits you. You just never know.

On that note, I now have to go wake up kid #2 so I can pick up kid #1 from school.

edited: Ack! I accidently said "kid #3". Now THAT would be a problem.

[awood]

When we got married we decided we did not want this "thing"...

Time has gone by, and I now want it, and he still does not.

I say... "please... I really want it..."

and he says "no, we already decided against it, you can't change your mind"

But.... yes I can.

I change my mind all of the time. At this point in time I really want it. And I think it is not fair he doesn't want me to have it.

We already have 1, so what is the difference of 2?

I guess my question is.... is it ok to change your mind about something you decided on many years ago?

Absolutley!! When I first got married, I was sure that I would never want another thing. I had more than my share of things already and quite frankly I just grew bored with them after awhile. I mean sure things are fun at first, but once the new wears off, it just becomes a bore and if you wait too long, you can't even sell things. I mean I had a few things that I was just so sick of looking at that I threw them away with the garbage. But now I am with you and I think I am ready for another brand new thing. Now I can't decide whether my new thing should be the PS3 or the XBox 360!

[cw68]

And does that mean if they do have one, they can't call it "it" before they know the sex? They'll have to call it "he and/or she"?

When I was pregnant with my first, a certain friend of mine got really upset when I referred to her as "it." Like really, really, unreasonably upset. Fast forward five years later and she was pregnant and when I first heard her say "it" I reminded her of her earlier reaction. She apologized.

Personally, regarding the "thing" comments, lighten up. IMO it goes with having this kind of discussion on an internet forum. A serious topic in a light-hearted manner.

[chris v]

I'm really, really stuck in a hard spot. I want her to be happy. But, I just can't do it again.

[mylo]

If we're talking about kids, I think you should just get pregnant and not tell him. What's he gonna do then?

[chris v]

If we're talking about kids, I think you should just get pregnant and not tell him. What's he gonna do then?

You really don't want to go there...