139 replies to this topic

[cw68]

I just hope the kid was not a boy scout...they are taught to use knives carefully.

thats all the scouts need is a ban on all kids from having knives and I can see that law coming once the news gets down town..

Well, if he IS a boy scout, they're not doing too well at how/when to use knives... just sayin'.

[folsom500]

Well, if he IS a boy scout, they're not doing too well at how/when to use knives... just sayin'.

And that ain't no boyscout knife that I have ever seen.

[Michael Hughes]

While some teenagers can cause problems, not ALL of them should be disliked. We need to pray for these kids & their parents. It would be wonderful to see our community go back to 1 parent being at home and 1 parent working. I realize that's not always going to happen (I've been a single mom before), but those kids do need parents to spend time with them. They need a secure & stable home environment to come home to everyday.

I see more teenagers these days causing problems than not.

That COULD be an over generality but I get out a lot in terms of:
- eating out
- shopping
- movies

etc

And I rarely see teens on good behavior. You could say that you would notice more the ones causing problems which I won't argue with. That statement is true, but I consistently see teens acting in manners I would be ashamed to around my family at any age.

Frankly the youth of this day and age being brought up on shows like The Secret Life of the American Teenager, Hannah Montana and these horrible movies like Kick arse (which although R-rated was clearly aimed at a youth market with youthful superheroes) is plainly .

I hate to say it, I would love to have more faith in society. One person that changed my life (not to get too far off topic, there's a point here) was Joel Osteen. I may not agree with 100% of the principles or ideaology but his books and sermons moved me and I feel helped me from being more on the pessimist leaning side of spectrum to optimist side. I can be optimistic about MOST things, however, when it comes full circle and back to society as a whole I find it quite hard to fathom how I will feel handing off society to the next generation with what I am already seeing.

13 year olds should be :
- playing pop warner
- throwing a baseball around with dad
- in the kitchen helping mom cook dinner
- hanging with friends having good natured fun at the local pop shop
- staying out of trouble

NOT

- having sex
- doing drugs
- committing crimes

Which is what I am seeing and hearing more and more of. I came from a large high school in the bay area, larger than most HS' in this area. We had our troublemakers (crimes/violence/mischief etc) but even with having kids bussed in from the other side of town, the number of fights/problems/crimes/mischiefs in and outside of school was nothing compared to the youth of today.

[doj_gal]

Joel Osteen....

Although, I am not extremely religious his sermons are bar far the best and very positive about life!

[cw68]

The other night while I was sitting at home sick, flipping through the TV channels, I watched the end of this Dr. Phil show. (I know, I know, Dr. Phil). What he says to the parents towards the end about what they are supposed to do as parents, and what the kids should expect was AWESOME.

http://drphil.com/shows/show/1468

[Oldschooler81]

I'm glad the guy is getting better. It's kinda unnerving to think this happened at a place I've been before! Even if it was a few years before this kid was even born!

I think in general 11-14 or so is the toughest age. I don't wanna get into a generation debate (there's probably good arguments on both sides of that) but I think it's because you're right inbetween two vital stages of life. Too old for babysitters or "kid kid" stuff...but too young for being able to go anywhere on their own and having lots of free time after school. Throw in hormones going crazy and being in big groups together (where they're trying to show off for their buddies) and you've got it even worse.

Of course most of them, even if they're kinda obnoxious...don't go out and commit crimes either, so there probably was some underlying problem with this Walmart dude, but I don't want to point fingers at people I don't even know. There's no easy, blanket answer to things like this. Even kids who shoplift would rarely have the heart to do that to another human being though. If he's not afraid to use violence (even attempted murder), that's pretty scary to what he COULD be like later. I do think rehabilitating him is at least possible at this stage.

Even when I was that age myself, those kids got on my nerves too (there were lots of Beavis and Butthead types in the 90s I remember lol). I remember what it was like to be bored as heck sometimes, so I can sympathize with that...but I'd never have done anything like this. I usually just hung out with a couple kids in my neighborhood or just went and watched tv at home and stayed out of trouble. I was never part of a clique or anything.

[Steve Heard]

And anyone who sees a tiny little blurb and instantly villifies a strangers parenting without knowing the family-is being unduly judgemental.

BTW as to the attacks on the parents - yeah something went wrong in a bad way here but didn't they suspect the kid and turn him in? That isnt a failure. Maybe the kid has mental issues that need to be addressed. Maybe kid has a sense of self-entitlement vs. stepping up responsibly and earning achievement or rewards.

I think when we see a kid we know (a neighbor, niece, nephew, etc.) do something 'bad' or have problems, I think there's a natural tendency to say, 'Well, it's no wonder. Look at the parents' or, 'Look at how they raise him.'

I swear, most of us are so much better at knowing how to raise someone else's kid.

I am guilty of it, too. When my nephew got into trouble, I blamed my sister and her husband for being so lax and relying on the church to keep him straight instead of spending time with him and giving him parental guidance.

When another kid I know got pregnant, I thought, 'well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, her mom was pregnant at 17.'

It goes on and on. What about when it happens to our own children? What if you're doing your best, but the kids still screw up?

When my children make mistakes, and they've made some doozies, I am certain that my parenting is mentioned as the cause.

I have an old friend who raised 3 kids. One is a nurse, one is a jewelry designer and mom, and the third, a unemployed drifter and meth head who has been getting trouble most of his life. Is it possible that the parents were at the same time good and bad?

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our kids make terrible decisions.

Then again sometimes, kids do in fact have lousy parents!

We don't know what the case is here, so until and unless we do, we can't assume much more than what has been reported; a store manager witnessed a kid stealing a bb gun, confronted him about it and got stabbed.

[The Average Joe]

Just to add to Steve's post...The kid and parents can't be ALL bad...He did confess, and they did turn him in to the police. Still...I'd like to know "the rest of the story."

[nlove4ever]

I think when we see a kid we know (a neighbor, niece, nephew, etc.) do something 'bad' or have problems, I think there's a natural tendency to say, 'Well, it's no wonder. Look at the parents' or, 'Look at how they raise him.'

I swear, most of us are so much better at knowing how to raise someone else's kid.

I am guilty of it, too. When my nephew got into trouble, I blamed my sister and her husband for being so lax and relying on the church to keep him straight instead of spending time with him and giving him parental guidance.

When another kid I know got pregnant, I thought, 'well, the apple doesn't fall far from the tree, her mom was pregnant at 17.'

It goes on and on. What about when it happens to our own children? What if you're doing your best, but the kids still screw up?

When my children make mistakes, and they've made some doozies, I am certain that my parenting is mentioned as the cause.

I have an old friend who raised 3 kids. One is a nurse, one is a jewelry designer and mom, and the third, a unemployed drifter and meth head who has been getting trouble most of his life. Is it possible that the parents were at the same time good and bad?

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our kids make terrible decisions.

Then again sometimes, kids do in fact have lousy parents!

We don't know what the case is here, so until and unless we do, we can't assume much more than what has been reported; a store manager witnessed a kid stealing a bb gun, confronted him about it and got stabbed.

Very well said Steve! It is unbelievable how judgmental some people are.

[FiscalConservative]

How a bout not?

Parts of this story seem fishy, to me.

What's fishy is your denial that parents are primarily responsibility for the actions of their minor children. Being a member of "society" I refuse to be held responsilble for the actions of others.

[doj_gal]

It goes on and on. What about when it happens to our own children? What if you're doing your best, but the kids still screw up?

When my children make mistakes, and they've made some doozies, I am certain that my parenting is mentioned as the cause.

I have an old friend who raised 3 kids. One is a nurse, one is a jewelry designer and mom, and the third, a unemployed drifter and meth head who has been getting trouble most of his life. Is it possible that the parents were at the same time good and bad?

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, our kids make terrible decisions.

Then again sometimes, kids do in fact have lousy parents!

We don't know what the case is here, so until and unless we do, we can't assume much more than what has been reported; a store manager witnessed a kid stealing a bb gun, confronted him about it and got stabbed.

This situation makes me think that mental illness could possibly be an issue.

Same thing happened with my hubbies family. Both his siblings and parents are college educated and all in great careers. My hubby has had of personal issues and in the past had issues with serious drugs. His parents did a great job of raising him but failed to follow through on his ADHD issues. They wanted him to go to college but due to his untreated ADHD, he could not focus. He failed out and his parents gave up, almost blaiming him personally for his lack of focus. My hubs was diagnosed as a child and because they did not want him on medication, they failed to recognize that the medication could have helped him lead a much more sucessful life and not have the choas he was experiencing. Finally, after a year of having issues in our marriage, I told him he needed to start addressing his ADHD issue or I am filing for a divorce. Now, he is on a diet to help with ADHD and vitamins which also help. The last few weeks have been night and day. After the three years of craziness because of his untreated ADHD, I am finally realizing that we can have a great life together. I recognize it's an illness like any other and help him help himself.

Just because you are a good parent, doesn't mean you always do what's best. His parents should have not dismissed his ADHD, which lead him to abuse other dangerous drugs in order to self-medicate.

Also, some parents with a larger family...three plus children, treat all of them differently or do not have the time to effectively parent all of them. I am part of a larger family and although all of us are doing well, my younger two siblings have had issues with depression in the past. My father was very hard on the last two and it showed with the issues they experienced. Luckily, they both seeked help. However, many people do not and that is why certain people have issues like in the situation you presented.

I am just glad that they parents turned in the child. From that move alone, they seem to be on the right path. This child may have mental issues and unfortunately the mental health profession is for the most part a joke. Hopefully, this kid can get the help he needs!

[ptejhe]

It is sad that a young person this age would hurt another individual to this extent. We have all been teenagers and have done not-so-smart things...granted, maybe not this bad...but we have all made poor decisions.

I am a mother of 4 children...2 that are teens and 2 more coming into that stage in life. My kids do not always make the best decisions and I do my absolute best in teaching them right from wrong.

These parents did the absolute right thing by not denying the fact that their child committed this crime. So many parents look the other way and say "not my kid" because we all want to believe that our kids are better than the wrong decision they made.

I am heartbroken when my kids make a bad choice, one that I cannot believe they acted upon. Can you imagine your son/daughter telling you they stabbed someone? This mother & father must be beyond heartbroken, frustrated, disappointed, and angry.

I always remind my 14 year old to make good decisions when he's out in the neighborhood with his friends. I also know that a few of my neighbors look at these kids with "waiting" eyes...waiting for them to mess up so they can justify that teens are trouble-makers.

Having a teenager myself I look at teens a lot differently...there's a lot going on physically & mentally in their bodies. The world doesn't make it easy for them either. With all of this technology and access to public information, their curiosity is stirred in 15,000 different directions. The need to belong is so strong that it often outweighs the option to turn away from what's not right.

That's where we, as parents, can learn to create a strong foundation at home. Where our teens are listened to and given some freedom to be who they were created to be. Get to know their friends, their thoughts & feelings to things around them. TALK to them. They have a voice and usually they want to be heard. Don't be afraid to set boundaries...they want it whether they know it or not. It makes them feel secure & that's what their looking for...security.

[Oldschooler81]

This situation makes me think that mental illness could possibly be an issue.

Same thing happened with my hubbies family. Both his siblings and parents are college educated and all in great careers. My hubby has had of personal issues and in the past had issues with serious drugs. His parents did a great job of raising him but failed to follow through on his ADHD issues. They wanted him to go to college but due to his untreated ADHD, he could not focus. He failed out and his parents gave up, almost blaiming him personally for his lack of focus. My hubs was diagnosed as a child and because they did not want him on medication, they failed to recognize that the medication could have helped him lead a much more sucessful life and not have the choas he was experiencing. Finally, after a year of having issues in our marriage, I told him he needed to start addressing his ADHD issue or I am filing for a divorce. Now, he is on a diet to help with ADHD and vitamins which also help. The last few weeks have been night and day. After the three years of craziness because of his untreated ADHD, I am finally realizing that we can have a great life together. I recognize it's an illness like any other and help him help himself.

Just because you are a good parent, doesn't mean you always do what's best. His parents should have not dismissed his ADHD, which lead him to abuse other dangerous drugs in order to self-medicate.

Also, some parents with a larger family...three plus children, treat all of them differently or do not have the time to effectively parent all of them. I am part of a larger family and although all of us are doing well, my younger two siblings have had issues with depression in the past. My father was very hard on the last two and it showed with the issues they experienced. Luckily, they both seeked help. However, many people do not and that is why certain people have issues like in the situation you presented.

I am just glad that they parents turned in the child. From that move alone, they seem to be on the right path. This child may have mental issues and unfortunately the mental health profession is for the most part a joke. Hopefully, this kid can get the help he needs!

Well said. I agree with Steve's post 100% too.

Yeah, I think it's a gut reaction to say "ah it must be the parents fault" as to why this kid committed a crime. But it could be a number of factors, we just don't know. 13 is definitely old enough to know basic right from wrong, so chances are it may have been a mental issue he doesn't fully have control over.

I also think, with either minor or adult offenders, unless they're like some sociopathic cold blooded murderer who clearly is a danger to others if they're free....you can't solve the problem by just throwing them in jail and forgetting about it. Of course you need to protect society from them if they have violent tendencies, but just as importantly people need to recognize the root of the problem in order to fix it. Some people may see that as coddling criminals - I kinda see their point and I respect that view but I disagree with it. The key is stepping in and helping them BEFORE they become really bad.

That's very true how the same situation or upbringing can have a different effect on people. Let's say two kids grow up in a violent household where their dad beats them. One of them might become an abuser himself (repeating the behavior he's used to), while the other one could become, like an advocate against domestic abuse, thinking "Hey I'm never gonna be like my dad!"

Yeah, I think only recently is society becoming aware of mental disorders (mild or serious) and how to medicate or treat them. In the old days they might've slapped a label on it or thought if you just yell at them enough, that would solve it. BTW glad to hear things are going better between you and your husband.

My uncle on my mom's side (who I haven't seen since 1994, it's a really long story) is the same way. Ever since he was a young teen he had some type of mental unbalance and an anger problem. Most of the time he was a great guy, really fun and nice...when he was functioning alright, but when he wasn't he could be really dangerous (this caused him to get fired from jobs and stuff). He and my mom are only 2 years apart and yet they grew up to be very different for reasons that weren't my uncle's fault.

[supermom]

I guess you missed the news post.

Well, I haven't seen it in the news-stating where the child and family live.

One person on this thread did say el dorado-I don't know if that's true.

Doesn't really matter, I guess.

Rather heart wrenching. And something else-besides.
Some elements to this story seem a little too ....convienent.

[supermom]

What's fishy is your denial that parents are primarily responsibility for the actions of their minor children. Being a member of "society" I refuse to be held responsilble for the actions of others.

Where in here did I make such an assertion? I believe the only thing I have questioned so far- are people's huge jumps from fact finding to jumping into a black hole of disparaging remarks on the characters of persons.

Just as you jumped to conclusions -and apparently did not read the entire thread or just like jumping on people.

BTW: whatever it is you refuse to do is your business. Your must make your own legal and moral decisions. It doesn't take away from the fact that someone in society will have to do it. And when you enjoy the protection, and benefits of society and do not promote responsible cooperation and goodwill within that society- one could call you a leach-not an upstanding society.

Thanks for taking the time today to attack me for me merely asking if there was any proof the boy was from. Folsom.