202 replies to this topic

[john]

Octoberlily, thank you for giving us a good jolt - you're right, FJ00 is trying to discuss this matter with us on a serious basis. I personally don't have the right answers. It was a problem at my high school too and I lived in a similar (middle/upper class) community to Folsom.

I hope Folsom HS does their "Every 15 minutes" campaign again - I saw the pictures from the last one and it's not a pretty sight. A graphic "wakeup" call to everyone of the dangers of drinking & driving.

[puppylover]

This is not just a Folsom High problem. My neighbor's son is a sophomore at Jesuit and she (my neighbor) thought this school would remove him from the many of the types of students that would do drugs. She let her guard down and before she knew it, her son was deep into the party scene. Ecstasy is one of the drugs of choice there. Parents need to talk, talk, talk to their kids. My son and I talk all the time---sometimes he tells me more than I want to know!!! Will this stop him from experimenting? I don't know. I can only hope.

[Steve Heard]

I feel great, knowing that this topic is being discussed.

I was so disappointed when only 12 parents turned out for our teen drug and alcohol abuse forum last June.

I am counting on all of you who have expressed opinions to be there for our next one in May.

There are lots of reasons why kids do drugs, including boredom, peer pressure, desire, depression, low self esteem, high self esteem, ignorance, neglect, the list goes on and on.

There are plenty of things we can do about it, including monitoring our kids, reading what they're saying on the computer, knowing who their friends are, knowing the parents of their friends, encouraging them to joing clubs, sports and other activities, communication, awareness, values, this list goes on and on, too.

The first step is facing it. Recognizing the problem.

We are getting there.

Once Folsom dad told me the other day that he didn't want to talk to his 13 year old daughter about drugs for fear that it would open the door and drugs would become an option for her to consider.

I told him that other kids were talking to her about drugs already, so he'd better make his voice heard.

We have work to do.

[forumreader]

Stevethedad,

You can definitely count me and my husband in. Thank you to all who are working to organize such a program. How will this be advertised at the schools? (I can help pass the word at Sutter Middle.)

[folsomBlondie]

QUOTE (puppylover @ Apr 5 2004, 08:51 PM)

This is not just a Folsom High problem.  My neighbor's son is a sophomore at Jesuit and she (my neighbor) thought this school would remove him from the many of the types of students that would do drugs.  She let her guard down and before she knew it, her son was deep into the party scene.  Ecstasy is one of the drugs of choice there.  Parents need to talk, talk, talk to their kids.  My son and I talk all the time---sometimes he tells me more than I want to know!!! Will this stop him from experimenting?  I don't know. I can only hope.

Wow!!!!! Scary!!!!!!!

Don't tell anyone but as a high school kid I tried pots, back in the late 70's.

[Steve Heard]

The details will be announced through the Telegraph, City Council, perhaps through notices sent to kids' homes, and whatever other means we can.

[melloguy]

QUOTE (puppylover @ Apr 5 2004, 08:51 PM)

This is not just a Folsom High problem. My neighbor's son is a sophomore at Jesuit and she (my neighbor) thought this school would remove him from the many of the types of students that would do drugs. She let her guard down and before she knew it, her son was deep into the party scene.

I know many people feel the same way - Christian/private schools are supposed to "take care" of their children better than public schools. However, when I was a teen I remember many of these students felt they had something to prove, that just because they were in a private school did not mean they could not fit in with the majority of public school kids in the neighborhood.

Our block had about 30 teens (parents, if this is your neighborhood, move immediately!) in a middle class neighborhood (Sunnyvale) with around 10 in private school. The private school kids were having the same problems as the public school - several were smokers, one sophmore girl was having sex with older men, and one boy overdosed. More of the same with public school kids - sex, abortions (at least three), teen marriages (four - all now divorced), alcohol, drugs, etc. I've lost track of the private school kids, but most of the problems began in jr. high/high school by these others remain with them today.

A parent's best hope is a good foundation at home and an interest in your child's life. I've heard several mention the look/smell tests when they come home - do this before they get started, once you start noticing it, it's probably a little late in the game.

This may be a little prejudiced on my part, but I also think involvement in sports plays a big part in helping to avoid these problems. In our old neighborhood, the ones who have accomplished the most were heavily involved in high school sports - two doctors (all league soccer), several business owners (baseball/football), a child psychologist (soccer/baseball), and an engineering manager (three sports lettered), to name a few.

One man's observations.

[folsomBlondie]

Speaking of Drug, I have a serious story from my own family. My oldest sister, now 47 year old, has been hooked on drug, since high school, was a A+ student, AND NOW HOMELESS IN SAN DIEGO.

Just read the PM that I sent to one of our members to share my own experience:

---------------------------------------------

A little more details about my oldest sister.

The last time we heard from her - she was in jail after she stole a car and killed someone with it, in San Diego. We believed she was out of jail by now. Darn!!!!

It was almost 30 years ago, and my parents still very hear-broken about it.

My parents have 7 kids. Being the oldest, my sister got the best of everything while we all grew up in Vietnam. My parents wanted her to grow up right and be successful to set a good example for the rest of the siblings. She went a private Catholic school while the rest in public school. She did exceptionally well; however, even as preteen she was always a little mischievous. She would sneak out of school and go to some wild parties, etc.

We came here to America and settled in Tampa, Florida. It was very tough for all of us. My dad was 40 years old without any employable skills to support a family of 7 kids. We lived in a one bed room apartment - all 8 of us. It was fun for me. My dad was a fairly high ranking Army officer – lieutenant colonel. His skill as a fighting man did not help......

Being in a free country, my sister saw the opportunity to get out of the family and to live wildly with sex, drug, and rock ‘n roll. She hung out with all the long hair dudes of the 70’s. Drug sex drug sex drug sex…. She had an unwanted child and don’t even know who the heck the father was!!!!!!! Sad very sad. She was very much on drug and it messed up her very intelligent mind. She moved to California in 1980 something, and messed up even more. Pretty much homeless now. We all are very afraid to get in contact with her because she is crazy and probably will come to our house and force her way in to steal. I am being honest dear.

[Chad Vander Veen]

For those parents who do not want to talk to your kids about drugs, chances are your kids will use drugs. Someone very close to me grew up in a home where "turning a blind eye" was the norm. During high school, this person ended up trying every kind of drug available and started having sex. No one ever told my friend what the consequences were. For God's sake talk to your children early. Lucky for my friend, things turned around. Not everyone can change so easily once the downward spiral begins.
And in high school, these were the "good kids". The A students, the Student Body leaders, etc.

I say 10 to 1 odds your "kid who would never do that" knows whether they like hard alcohol or beer better, is not a virgin, and has been high at least once. These aren't all terrible things if kids have the facts and don't do it habitually. Let your kid grow up and learn, but arm them with knowledge.

[forumreader]

FB: Thank you for sharing your personal story.

melloguy: I completely agree with your post. My husband and I had similar experiences growing up in the Bay Area. We were both raised in relatively affluent areas like Folsom (Saratoga & Pleasanton), and attended both Catholic and public schools. The observations we have made are similar to yours. It is not so much a matter of the type of school that a kid attends, but the level of parent involvement and variety/quantity of the student's activities that help keep kids on the right path.

Like you, my peers who were busy and active in sports, music, service clubs in addition to their academics have all "turned-out" quite successful. There have been a few divorces, but otherwise most have good family lives and successful careers, including a good number of doctors, PhDs, lawyers and military officers.

Some of the Juniors have posted about being bored. I don't remember being bored much as a kid. I do remember being very busy! Sports are great. So is music.

In addition to the look/smell test, don't forget the parents' right to snoop. (I am probably going to receive criticism for this comment!!) I believe that a parent has the right to search his/her child's room/backpack/pockets if there is reason to suspect the child is involved in dangerous behavior. Mild evesdropping is OK too. I don't listen to the full content of my son's phone conversations, but I do keep track of who calls my house. This can all be done while still respecting your child as a separate individual. In my book, a child does not have a complete right to privacy. BUT, a child does have a right to be PROTECTED by his/her parents.

[Steve Heard]

FB

My heart goes out to you and your family. I've seen that story played out many times by family and friends. It all starts out as fun, or so they think.

Many of my family and friends chuckle that I've become 'stevethedad' since I spent my youth partying, avoiding responsibility, never saying 'no' to anything, and contributing nothing to society. One day a light came on. I think it was my father's example that suddenly got through to me. He was such a great man.

There are many factors that contribute to kids' decisions to do drugs, and parental involvement is one of the many factors that can delay or prevent it. Even so, we all make our own decisions. We have to approach this from every possible angle: Who their friends are, what you say to them, what activities the participate in, academics, sports, freedom, money, the media. It's all more than we can control, but we have to be aware and to try.

Folsomreader I agree 100% with you. You have a right to snoop, and a responsibility to protect your child by snooping.

I installed a computer activity monitor on my home PC when my daughter was 14, and was shocked at what the kids talked about.

I'll use fake names, but I read quotes like, "After you left, JC had some weed, and we got so f*ing stoned, Gina was sitting on the window, and almost fell out! We were cracking up".

Another one was, "Jake's mom went to the bowling alley with her boyfriend, and me and Bob did it on the floor. It felt weird doing it in Jakes house but not with Jake". Jake was her ex-boyfriend.

Both of these quotes came from her 14 year old best friend.

Another time, I read where a kids said, "Can you go out Friday? We're going to have a party by the river, with WEED!"

I made sure my kid was busy Friday.

She always argued that she wasn't the one saying the bad things, but
Remember that a child does not have the same right to privacy as an adult, and cannot reasonably assume that his/her communications are private.

Get in your kids' business. I remember the parents of one of the Columbine killers who was unaware her son's room was decorated with Nazi paraphenalia and that he had bomb making equipment, because she respected his right to privacy.

Similarly, there was a guy busted before he could go on a planned shooting rampage. His parents were shocked when the cops raided their house and came out his room with an arsenal of guns. Again, the mother said she was unaware, because 'it's his room'.

Wake up, parents. Your children are exposed to many dangers, and simply trusting them to do the right thing isn't going to work.

[Mike Hilscher]

Surveys dont show how many people do drugs it never will... what it will do is cause people to argue over how many do and dont... We really don't know..

All you can do is ask your kids if they have done them.. tell them you will not ground them.. get angry at them.. or take things away from them if you do get angry.. all your child will do is hide it from you and you will never know. (sometimes parents want that though )..

You have to build a trust between you and your kid and hope he/she tells you what is going on. but don't incourage drinking, smoking, becoming sexually active.. but if it happens you can't jump to conclusions and tell your kid hes grounded untill the age of 18 thats just not right.

Ask your child.... Where are you going? Where can I reach you at? (NOT THERE CELL PHONE!!!..).... ask for a house number. Get to know their friends.. see how they are like. but dont be so upfront about it too.. You need to be sly and sneaky. Just make sure your kid is alright, and if he/she gets into trouble.. Bail them out, and then discuss it with them and try not to get all hot tempered.

The world is not perfect..Teens will always do drugs/have sex/drink, but if you discuss and talk to your kids about it then you know you have tried your hardest to prevent any of that from happening. If this post doesnt make any sense.. eh oh well then disgrard it.. Its about 1:20 AM..

p.s. im 18... Ive never done drugs/smoked/Drinkin(yes I know its not a word)/or had sex. im a senior at FHS

edit: If you get your kids involved in computer games <cough> Dark Age Of Camelot <cough> then you can say goodbye to their social life and never worry! (Only zack should understand this one) lol...

[forumreader]

Mike:
Thank you for that post! And congratulations on having made such important decisions to not engage in those dangerous activities. I thank you on behalf of many member of our community. You are a good role model!

I agree with you about the problems with surveys. Quite often they are lacking in sound statistical methodology. With the numbers often being inaccurate, surveys are more an indicator of whether or not there is a problem, and is it big or little. -- In this case, I don't think we needed a survey to tell us that there is a problem with teens and alcohol/drugs/sexual activity. It is a nationwide problem, with no community being immune.

Thanks again, Mike.

[folsomBlondie]

Great post Steve.

Myself, living in this affluent community and being a conservative, people would think that I was born with a silver spoon in my mouth (something like that), and it was not!!!!

We were affluent in Vietnam because my dad was a Lt. Colonel in the Army, but when we “escaped” and ran for our lives to this country, we had nothing except our minds. The process of assimilating into the mainstream culture and society was very very tough for us. I went thr. a period just like yours – partying, smoking weeds, no sense of responsibility…. Aimless lifestyle……..

Generation after generation, we all repeat the same things, doing it just for fun out of boredom, and before ya know it, you ruin your life!!!!

[OctoberLily]

It's really great to see Folsom Kids on here speaking out and even becoming a monitor in this forum. Some of you I remember from middle school years (Zach ).

Steve, I will definitely attend this years meeting. I did not attend last year's meeting and soon regretted it. I could have used the moral support of other parents enduring the same problems trying to get their teens informed. I know that I will make it a point to bring my kids along with me as well.

Someone mentioned encouraging their kids to participate in Sports as a way to dissuage drug, alcohol and sex as an extracurricular activity. I believed and used this same mantra throughout my children's lives. However, I soon realized that in high school a lot of the athletic teams (ie; Football, track, basketball, soccer, etc.) were extremely competitive. Therefore, even if your kid wants to play the sport, if he or she is not considered "good enough" for the team - they get cut.

Also, at the party I mentioned earlier, the majority of the males at this party were football players or former football players (03 Seniors). That is why I was so surprised to see many familiar faces of kids I considered "good", "intelligent", "well mannered", "hard working", "driven", "athletic" and "competitive" kids.

So - sports can work but on the other hand, the peer pressure from team mates can be a lot to deal with.