Jokes for today
Started by
Dave Burrell
, Nov 15 2005 08:52 AM
367 replies to this topic
#121
Dave Burrell
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Posted 20 June 2008 - 06:11 AM
Redneck Portable PC
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#122
Dave Burrell
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Posted 20 June 2008 - 06:12 AM
Redneck Wedding Party (is that a mermaid outfit on the left??)
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#123
Dave Burrell
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Posted 20 June 2008 - 06:15 AM
Mylo's computer setup 
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#124
mylo
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Posted 20 June 2008 - 08:05 AM
rofl! Would be usefull, but spare the MGD for me please.
I am known to rarely have the case on the side of my PC's
I am known to rarely have the case on the side of my PC's
"Ah, yes, those Gucci extremists and their Prada jihad!" --ducky
#125
Dave Burrell
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Posted 29 June 2008 - 10:33 AM
Why Men Have Better Friends
- Friendship Between Women:
A woman didn't come home one night.....
The next morning she told her husband that she had slept over at a friend's house.
The man called his wife's 10 best friends. None of them knew anything about it.
Friendship Between Men:
A man didn't come home one night.....
The next morning he told his wife that he had slept over at a friend's house.
The woman called her husband's 10 best friends, eight of which confirmed that he had slept over, and two said that he was still there
Travel, food and drink blog by Dave - http://davestravels.tv
#126
camay2327
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Posted 30 June 2008 - 10:38 AM
A VETERAN
Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life".
That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
-Author unknown-
#127
camay2327
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Posted 30 June 2008 - 10:39 AM
Stand by to laugh your head off... I am not kidding... Watch bad language....
http://www.boreme.co...er-prank-p1.php
A VETERAN
Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life".
That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
-Author unknown-
#128
mylo
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Posted 30 June 2008 - 10:40 AM
QUOTE(camay2327 @ Jun 30 2008, 11:38 AM) 
Is this funny or what???
http://www.boreme.co...its-tree-p1.php
http://www.boreme.co...its-tree-p1.php
Must be the same guy:
http://my.break.com/...ontentID=528400
"Ah, yes, those Gucci extremists and their Prada jihad!" --ducky
#129
camay2327
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Posted 30 June 2008 - 02:46 PM
QUOTE(mylo @ Jun 30 2008, 11:40 AM)
Must be the same guy:
http://my.break.com/...ontentID=528400
http://my.break.com/...ontentID=528400
--
Good one.
A VETERAN
Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life".
That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
-Author unknown-
#130
Andrea V
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 06:20 AM
<3
#131
mylo
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 06:57 AM
"Ah, yes, those Gucci extremists and their Prada jihad!" --ducky
#132
Darth Lefty
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 07:24 AM
A first-time skydiver can't find his ripcord and begins to panic. He's astonished to see another person flying UP towards him. As they pass, the skydiver yells, "Hey! Know anything about parachutes?" The other guy yells back, "No! Know anything about Coleman stoves?"
"I enjoy a bit of cooking, and this has always worried me. But it's OK. I only like it because it allows me to play with knives." - James May
Genesis 49:16-17
http://www.active2030folsom.org
Genesis 49:16-17
http://www.active2030folsom.org
#133
EDH Jen
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 04:06 PM
If you remember the Original Hollywood Squares and its comics, this may bring a tear to your eyes. These great questions and answers are from the days when 'Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course.
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
Q. Do female frogs croak?
A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.
Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be?
A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.
Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.
Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.
Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
A. Rose Marie: No; wait until morning.
Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency.
Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty.
Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.
Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you' ll never forget.
Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.
Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.
Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.
Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.
Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.
Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.
Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?
Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
A. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.
Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.
Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.
Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.
Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him.
Q. Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
A. Charley Weaver: His feet.
Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
#134
ChipShot
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 04:20 PM
QUOTE(EDH Jen @ Jul 10 2008, 05:06 PM)
A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?
2 of my favorites: Paul Lynde and Rodney Dangerfield.
I'd laugh even before the punch line....
I have opinions, you have opinions. We'll just call it even...is that OK ??
#135
Andrea V
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Posted 10 July 2008 - 04:22 PM
QUOTE(ChipShot @ Jul 10 2008, 05:20 PM)
2 of my favorites: Paul Lynde and Rodney Dangerfied.
I'd laugh even before the punch line....
I'd laugh even before the punch line....
Rodney Dangerfied seems like a CREEP to me. I don't think he should be alone with kids.
<3
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