Drunk People are Funny
A man and his wife were awakened at 3:00 am by a loud pounding on the
door.
The man gets up and goes to the door where a drunken stranger, standing
in the pouring rain, is asking for a push.
"Not a chance," says the husband, "it is 3:00 in the morning!"
He slams the door and returns to bed.
"Who was that?" asked his wife.
"Just some drunk guy asking for a push," he answers.
"Did you help him?" she asks.
"No, I did not, it is 3:00 in the morning and it is pouring rain out
there!"
"Well, you have a short memory," says his wife. "Can't you remember
about three months ago when we broke down, and those two guys helped us?
I think you should help him, and you should be ashamed of yourself!
God loves drunk people too. "
The man does as he is told, gets dressed, and goes out into the
pounding rain.
He calls out into the dark, "Hello, are you still there?"
"Yes," comes back the answer.
"Do you still need a push?" calls out the husband.
"Yes, please!" comes the reply from the dark.
"Where are you?" asks the husband.
"Over here on the swing set," replied the drunk.
Jokes for today
Started by
Dave Burrell
, Nov 15 2005 08:52 AM
367 replies to this topic
#362
camay2327
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Posted 25 July 2010 - 04:19 PM
Thought this one was pretty good.
One for the Old Guys
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late...... but he was a good
worker - really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded, a real credit to the
company and, obviously, was good at demonstrating their "Older Person
Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell
you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so
often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
It's odd though - your coming in late. I know you're retired from
the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late
there?"
'They said,
"Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''
One for the Old Guys
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late...... but he was a good
worker - really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded, a real credit to the
company and, obviously, was good at demonstrating their "Older Person
Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell
you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so
often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
It's odd though - your coming in late. I know you're retired from
the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late
there?"
'They said,
"Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''
A VETERAN
Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life".
That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
-Author unknown-
#363
camay2327
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Posted 23 October 2010 - 07:45 AM
I was watching a taped Lie To Me program last night when a new
Jack In The Box commercial came on. I had never seen it before
and I laughed and laughed and laughed.
Enjoy it.
Jack in the Box Does Viagra
Jack In The Box commercial came on. I had never seen it before
and I laughed and laughed and laughed.
Enjoy it.
Jack in the Box Does Viagra
A VETERAN
Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life".
That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
-Author unknown-
#364
Bill Z
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Posted 23 October 2010 - 09:17 AM
That's funny.Thought this one was pretty good.
One for the Old Guys
Charley, a new retiree-greeter at Wal-Mart, just couldn't seem to get to work on
time.
Every day he was 5, 10, 15 minutes late...... but he was a good
worker - really tidy, clean-shaven, sharp minded, a real credit to the
company and, obviously, was good at demonstrating their "Older Person
Friendly" policies.
One day the boss called him into the office for a talk. "Charley, I have to tell
you, I like your work ethic, you do a bang up job, but your being late so
often is quite bothersome."
"Yes, I know boss, and I am working on it."
''Well good, you are a team player. That's what I like to hear.
It's odd though - your coming in late. I know you're retired from
the Armed Forces. What did they say if you came in late
there?"
'They said,
"Good morning, Admiral, can I get you coffee, sir?'''
I would rather be Backpacking
#365
eVader
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Living Legend
Posted 23 October 2010 - 11:14 AM
Agree Camay that was pretty funny and thanks for bringing this thread back to life. I good chuckle or laugh is a good break.
#366
camay2327
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Posted 23 October 2010 - 11:26 AM
You guys are right, things are just to serious these days.
A VETERAN
Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life".
That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it.
-Author unknown-
#367
folsom500
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Posted 25 October 2010 - 11:30 AM
Indian Wanting Coffee:
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and the other
Hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter: "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."
An Indian walks into a cafe with a shotgun in one hand and the other
Hand pulling a male buffalo with the other. He says to the waiter:
"Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Sure, Chief. Coming right up."
He gets the Indian a tall mug of coffee.....
The Indian drinks the coffee down in one gulp, turns and blasts the buffalo with the shotgun,
Causing parts of the animal to splatter everywhere and then just walks out.
The next morning the Indian returns.
He has his shotgun in one hand, pulling
Another male buffalo with the other.
He walks up to the counter and says to
The waiter: "Want coffee."
The waiter says, "Whoa, Tonto!
We're still cleaning up your mess from yesterday. What was all that about, anyway?"
The Indian smiles and proudly says,
"Training for position in United States Congress.
Come in, drink coffee, shoot the bull, leave mess for others to clean up,
Disappear for rest of day."
Another great day in the adventure of exploration and sight.
"Never doubt that a small group of thoughtful, committed people can change the world. Indeed, it is the only thing that ever has"
-Margaret Mead-
#368
Bill Z
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Hopeless Addict
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Posted 25 October 2010 - 06:08 PM
An engineer was crossing a road one day when a frog called out to
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay
with you for one week and do anything you want!"
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want!"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
him and said, "If you kiss me, I'll turn into a beautiful princess."
He bent over, picked up the frog and put it in his pocket.
The frog spoke up again and said, "If you kiss me and turn me back
into a beautiful princess, I will stay with you for one week."
The engineer took the frog out of his pocket, smiled at it and
returned it to the pocket.
The frog then cried out, "If you kiss me and turn me back I'll stay
with you for one week and do anything you want!"
Again the engineer took the frog out, smiled at it and put it back
into his pocket.
Finally, the frog asked, "What is the matter? I've told you I'm a
beautiful princess, that I'll stay with you for a week and do anything
you want!"
The engineer said, "Look I'm an engineer. I don't have time for a
girlfriend, but a talking frog, now that's cool!"
I would rather be Backpacking
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