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Money Is Power In Relationship?


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#1 sunnycanary

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Posted 14 March 2017 - 06:06 PM

Hi folks,

 

What do you think about this.....my sister's best friend has been a stay at home mom for almost 12 years. Her husband has supported the family well, with a nice house and nice vacations about every other year. The gal is not materialistic and never got her hair or nails done, no pedicures, no fancy clothes or expensive handbags. And, she did all of the child rearing and driving the kids about.......Because she stayed home, he was able to have a job that he traveled for, sometimes for days on end, and because she "took care of the home and kids" it was basically all he did; work. She took care of cooking, cleaning, shopping washing clothes and dishes, took out the trash, mowed the lawn at times and many other things, while he worked and managed the bank account.

 

Now, he says everything they have is HIS, and she should not have a say in how HIS money is spent, even though she wants to use the money for paying down mortgages, college for kids, investing, etc. He is spending serious amounts on other things.

 

Is it me, or does this seem wrong? Should the higher earning spouse have a say in how the money is spent because "he earned it?"

 

Shouldn't the wife have a say in the finances?

 

geeze, what do you all think?



#2 The Average Joe

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Posted 14 March 2017 - 06:32 PM

Ridiculous. She is not his servant. They are partners in life. That includes money decisions.


"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive" -- C.S. Lewis

 

If the only way to combat "global warming" was to lower taxes, we would never hear of the issue again. - Anonymous

 

"Society in every state is a blessing, but Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one" — Thomas Paine, 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 (1776)

 


#3 sunnycanary

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Posted 14 March 2017 - 06:48 PM

Oops, glad you understood what I meant. I meant to say should he be the only one with a say in money decisions. His wife feels almost guilty because she had no financial input for many years but also feels like she should have a say.

And I agree, he should not weird all the power because he was the only earner. He never worried about when kids started school or got off, were sick or not. Never made lunches or took them to any doctor or dentists appointments. She was fine with this so that he could be stress free while off the clock. But now that he says she shouldn't have a say, she is stunned and hurt.

#4 bordercolliefan

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Posted 15 March 2017 - 09:00 AM

The husband is not just morally wrong, he is wrong under the law.

California is a community property state, meaning that the state recognizes that each spouse is entitled to half of what both spouses make. In other words, the money earned by either spouse goes into a common pot, and each spouse is entitled to 50%.

You didn't say where your friend is located, but virtually all states have a similar concept, even if they are not technically community property states.

In other words, modern courts recognize the value of household management, chores, cooking etc. and take the view that each spouse contributes equally to the household wealth, even if one is a stay-at-home.

Hubby needs to get out of the dark ages.




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