138 replies to this topic

[caligirlz]

Here is another one.

That's funny! Love the woman in the purple shirt at the end. And what's up with the very last clip? throwing snow at the reporter who won't leave his desk while they shout in russian?

[camay2327]

Grandparents.........


1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before.

After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye....

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, 80. My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,

"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."

The little girl was wide-eyed, taking this all in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and I said, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor. She told him she was writing a story.

"What's it about?" he asked.

"I don't know," she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to keep from attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa," he advised "Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10.. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said... "How do you make babies?"

"It's simple," replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant," said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.

"Sure," said the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.

"They use him to keep crowds back," said one child.

"No," said another. "He's just for good luck.."

A third child brought the argument to a close."They use the dogs," she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny, when they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.

SEND THIS TO OTHER GRANDPARENTS,

ALMOST GRANDPARENTS,

OR HECK, SEND IT TO EVERYONE.

IT WILL MAKE THEIR DAY!

[camay2327]

Christmas Song

Let the kids hear this and forward to everyone…non-political.





Don't go CHRISTMAS shopping until you watch this YouTube

Put on sound please, you may have to copy link and paste.

[camay2327]

Impact of Obama

Little did those employees realize what they were doing when they put those bumper stickers on their cars. Well as the CEO says, they wanted change and that's exactly what they got!


Best Ever Layoff Letter

No wonder this guy is the boss. He is sharp! You can't be any fairer than this guy.

Dear Employees:

As the CEO of this organization, I have resigned myself to the fact that Barrack Obama is our President and that our taxes and government fees will increase in a BIG way.
To compensate for these increases, our prices would have to increase by about 10%. But, since we cannot increase our prices right now due to the dismal state of the economy,

we will have to lay off sixty of our employees instead.


This has really been bothering me since I believe we are family here and I didn't know how to choose who would have to go.
So, this is what I did. I walked through our parking lots and found sixty 'Obama' bumper stickers on our employees' cars.
So I have decided these folks will be the ones to let go. I can't think of a more fair way to approach this problem. They voted for change ......I gave it to them.

I will see the rest of Employees at the Company’s Annual Christmas Party.

[camay2327]

At the Tavern


BEST BARTENDER JOKE EVER!

A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk into a tavern.





























Bartender asks....

"What'll it be, Mr. President?"

[Deb aka Resume Lady]

At the Tavern


BEST BARTENDER JOKE EVER!

A Lawyer, an Illegal Alien, a Pathological Liar, a Muslim, a Communist and a Black Guy walk into a tavern.

Bartender asks....

"What'll it be, Mr. President?"

What an ignorant "joke."

[camay2327]

Funny, I thought it was great...

[Deb aka Resume Lady]

Funny, I thought it was great...

You're free to think an ignorant joke is funny. Me, I just find it ignorant.

[camay2327]

Right on Dude. And Reid isn't helping. Everytime he talks he says we are going over the Cliff instead
of trying to do something about it.

[Deb aka Resume Lady]

I thought it was funny too and I don't mind being judged and labeled ignorant just because I don't worship Obama. Not all of us are in love with the guy driving the bus full speed over the fiscal cliff.

You don't have to worship him. But the joke is based on ignorant misconceptions and rumors about the man. Hence, the joke is ignorant.

[camay2327]

Navy Chiefs

"THE FIVE MOST DANGEROUS THINGS IN THE US NAVY"
A Seaman saying "I learned this in Boot Camp..."
A Petty Officer saying "Trust me, sir..."
An Ensign saying "Based on my experience..."
A Lieutenant saying "I was just thinking..."
A Chief chuckling, "Watch this s**t..."

NOW THEY TELL ME
During a commercial airline flight a Navy Chief was seated next to a young mother with a baby in arms. When her baby began crying during the descent for landing, the mother began nursing her infant as discreetly as possible. The Chief pretended not to notice and, upon debarking, he gallantly offered his assistance to help with the various baby-related articles. When the young mother expressed her gratitude, he responded, "Gosh, that's a good looking baby ... and he sure was hungry!" Somewhat embarrassed, the mother explained that her pediatrician said breast feeding would help alleviate the pressure in the baby's ears. The Chief sadly shook his head, and in true US Navy fashion exclaimed ... And all these years I've been chewing gum.

NAVAL OFFICERS and NAVY CHIEFS
A group of Chiefs and a group of Naval Officers take a train to a conference. Each Naval Officer holds a ticket. But the entire group of Chiefs has bought only one ticket for a single passenger. The Naval Officers are just shaking their heads and are secretly pleased that the arrogant Chiefs will finally get what they deserve. Suddenly one of the Chiefs calls out: "The conductor is coming!". At once, all the Chiefs jump up and squeeze into one of the toilets. The conductor checks the tickets of the Naval Officers. When he notices that the toilet is occupied he knocks on the door and says: "Ticket, please!" one of the Chiefs slides the single ticket under the doors and the conductor continues merrily on his round. For the return trip the Naval Officers decide to use the same trick. They buy only one ticket for the entire group but they are baffled as they realize that the Chiefs didn't buy any tickets at all. After a while one of the Chiefs announces again: "The conductor is coming!" Immediately all the Naval Officers race to a toilet and lock themselves in. All the Chiefs leisurely walk to the other toilet. Before the last Chief enters the toilet, he knocks on the toilet occupied by the Naval Officers and says: "Ticket, please!"

Moral of the story? -- Officers like to use the methods of the Chiefs, but they don't really understand them.

MASTER CHIEF AND 3 LIEUTENANTS
One day, a Master Chief went to the Officer's Club with his Captain to eat lunch. When they entered the main dining room, they found the place was crowded. They did notice three Lieutenants sitting at a table with two empty chairs, so the Captain asked them if they could join them. They promptly invited them to join them. They ordered lunch and joined them in conversation as they ate. At one point, the Master Chief mentioned he had observed characteristics about many officers from which he could determine the sources of their commissioning. The Lieutenants were eager to hear about this and asked if he could tell how each of them had been commissioned.

The Master Chief turned to the Lieutenant on his left and said he went through ROTC. The Lieutenant confirmed that was correct and asked how he had noted this. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant, through his conversation, seemed to have a strong academic background but limited military experience.

The Master Chief then told the Lt on his right that he had gone through OCS with previous enlisted service. The Lieutenant confirmed this was correct and also asked how he had determined this. The Master Chief said, again through his conversation, that the Lieutenant seemed to have a firm military background and a lot of common sense.

The Lieutenant across the table from the Master Chief asked if he had determined his source of commission. The Master Chief replied that the Lieutenant had graduated from the United States Naval Academy . The Lieutenant stated that was correct and asked if he had noticed his high level of intelligence, precise military bearing, or other superior qualities acquired at the United States Naval Academy. The Master Chief replied that it was none of these that led to his determination. He had simply observed the Lieutenant's class ring while he was picking his nose.

ROUTE TO BECOMING AN ADMIRAL
Three men are sitting stiffly side by side on a long commercial flight. After they're airborne and the plane has leveled off, the man in the window seat abruptly says, distinctly and confidently, in a low voice, " Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both surgeons."

After a few minutes the man in the aisle seat states through a tightlipped smile, Admiral, United States Navy, retired. Married, two sons, both judges."

After some thought, the fellow in the center seat decides to introduce himself. With a twinkle in his eye he proclaims: Master Chief Petty Officer , United States Navy, retired. Never married, two sons, both Admirals."

SEAMANSHIP TEST
One time during the underway watch the OOD decided to test a Chief Petty Officer's seamanship.

"Chief, what would you do if the forward watch fell off the side of the ship?" "Easy, sir, I'd call 'Man Overboard' and follow the Man Overboard procedures."

"What would you do if an officer fell overboard?" "Hmmm," The Chief said, "Which one, sir?"

Author anon.

[camay2327]

Subject: WHAT CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY.... **


CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY


Man who wants pretty nurse, must be patient.


Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.


Better to be pissed off than pissed on.


Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.


Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.


Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.


Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.



War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.



Man who fight with wife all day, get no piece at night.



It takes many nails to build a crib, but only one screw to fill it.



Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.



Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.



Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement..



Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs.



Finally CONFUCIUS SAY. . ........


"A lion will not cheat on his wife, but a Tiger Wood !"

[camay2327]

This is another WOW WOW WOW

Watch it...

Miniature Wonderland

The first thought that sprang to my mind was why? but then maybe that's just me..............

https://www.youtube.com/embed/ACkmg3Y64_s?rel=0