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#136 camay2327

camay2327

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 01:16 PM


Subject: Lexophilia - Gotta Love It!.......
 
             

 
LEXOPHILIA - Ya Gotta Love It

“Lexophile" describes those that have a love for words, such as

“you can tune a piano, but you can't tuna fish",

  “To write with a broken pencil is pointless."

An annual competition is held by the New York Times to see who can create the best original lexophile.

 

 

This year's winning submission is posted at the very end.

 

 

No matter how much you push the envelope, it'll still be stationery.

 

If you don't pay your exorcist you can get repossessed.

 

I'm reading a book about anti-gravity. I just can't put it down.

 

I didn't like my beard at first. Then it grew on me.

 

Did you hear about the crossed-eyed teacher who lost her job because she couldn't control her pupils?

 

When you get a bladder infection, urine trouble.

 

When chemists die, they barium.

 

I stayed up all night to see where the sun went, and then it dawned on me.

 

I changed my iPod's name to Titanic. It's syncing now.

 

England has no kidney bank, but it does have a Liverpool .

 

Haunted French pancakes give me the crepes.

 

This girl today said she recognized me from the Vegetarians Club, but I'd swear I've never met herbivore

 

I know a guy who's addicted to drinking brake fluid, but he says he can stop any time.

 

A thief who stole a calendar got twelve months.

 

When the smog lifts in Los Angeles U.C.L.A.

 

I got some batteries that were given out free of charge.

 

A dentist and a manicurist married. They fought tooth and nail.

 

A will is a dead giveaway.

 

With her marriage, she got a new name and a dress.

 

Police were summoned to a daycare center where a three-year-old was resisting a rest.

 

Did you hear about the fellow whose entire left side was cut off? He's all right now.

 

A bicycle can't stand alone; it's just two tired.

 

The guy who fell onto an upholstery machine last week is now fully recovered.

 

He had a photographic memory but it was never fully developed.

 

When she saw her first strands of gray hair she thought she'd dye.

 

Acupuncture is a jab well done. That's the point of it.

 

Those who get too big for their pants will be totally exposed in the end.

 



Subject: Fwd: Make up your mind !

 

 

Doug, a long time friend of mine, sent me this sad story about his love life. 
 
I was in my back yard earlier tonight trying to launch a kite.  I threw the kite up in the air, the wind would catch it for a few seconds, then it would come crashing back down to earth.  I tried this a few more times with no success.

All the while, my wife Linda is watching from the kitchen window, muttering to herself how men need to be told how to do everything.

She opened the window and yelled to me, 'Doug, you need a piece of tail.'

I turned with a confused look on my face and said,

'Make up your mind. Last night, you told me to go fly a kite.'

A VETERAN Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life". That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -Author unknown-

#137 camay2327

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 01:19 PM

It's too bad our schools couldn't be more like this one in Aussie Land.
 

We could use some of this type of discipline/thinking.  I’m afraid we’ve lost our way.


Subject: ANSWERING MACHINE, How true.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 


A VETERAN Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life". That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -Author unknown-

#138 camay2327

camay2327

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Posted 09 May 2018 - 01:26 PM

Social Security
 
A woman dies at age 65 before collecting one benefit check.  She and her employer paid into the system for almost 50 years and she collected NOTHING!
Keep in mind all the working people that die every year who were paying into the system and got nothing!
And these governmental morons mismanaged the money and stole from the system, so that it's now going broke.
BEAUTIFUL! and they have the audacity to call today's seniors "vultures" in an attempt to cover their ineptitude. DISGRACEFUL!
The real reason for renaming our Social Security payments is so the government can claim that
all those social security recipients are receiving entitlements thus putting them in the same case as welfare, food stamp recipients.

THIS IS WORTH THE FEW MINUTES IT TAKES TO READ AND DIGEST!
F.Y.I.  By changing the name of SS contributions it gives them a means to refute this program in the future.
It's free money for the government to spend under this guise.
 
The Social Security check is now (or soon will be) referred to as a*Federal Benefit Payment*?
I'll be part of the one percent to forward this. I am forwarding it because it touches a nerve in me, and I hope it will in you.
  
Please keep passing it on until everyone in our country has read it.
The government is now referring to our Social Security checks as a"Federal Benefit Payment."
This isn't a benefit. It is our money paid out of our earned income!  Not only did we all contribute to Social Security but our employers did too. It totaled 15% of our income before taxes.
 
If you averaged $30K per year over your working life, that's close to $180,000 invested in Social Security.
 
If you calculate the future value of your monthly investment in social security ($375/month, including both you and your employers contributions) at a meager 1% interest rate compounded monthly, after 40 years of working you'd have more than $1.3+ million dollars saved!
This is your personal investment. Upon retirement, if you took out only 3% per year, you'd receive $39,318 per year, or $3,277 per month.
That's almost three times more than today's average Social Security benefit of $1,230 per month, according to the Social Security Administration. (Google it – it's a fact). And your retirement fund would last more than 33 years (until you're 98 if you retire at age 65)! I can only imagine how much better most average-income people could live in retirement if our government had just invested our money in low-risk interest-earning accounts.
Instead, the folks in Washington pulled off a bigger *Ponzi scheme* than Bernie Madoff ever did. (Lyndon Johnson)
They took our money and used it elsewhere. They forgot (oh yes, they knew) that it was OUR money they were taking.  They didn't have a referendum to ask us if we wanted to lend the money to them.  And they didn't pay interest on the debt they assumed. And recently they've told us that the money won't support us for very much longer.(Isn't it funny that they NEVER say this about welfare payments?)
But is it our fault they misused our investments?  And now, to add insult to injury, they're calling it a *benefit*, as if we never worked to earn every penny of it.
Just because they borrowed the money, doesn't mean that our investments were a charity!
Let's take a stand. We have earned our right to Social Security and Medicare.. Demand that our legislators bring some sense into our government.
Find a way to keep Social Security and Medicare going for the sake of that 92% of our population who need it.

Then call it what it is:
Our Earned Retirement Income.


A cowboy appears before St. Peter at the Pearly Gates.

"Have you ever done anything of particular merit?" 
St. Peter asks.

 

 

 

"Well, I can think of one thing," the cowboy offers.


"On a recent trip to the Black Hills in South Dakota I
came upon a gang of bikers who were mistreating a
young woman.  I asked them to leave her alone, but 
 they wouldn't listen.   So, I approached the largest 
and most heavily tattooed biker and smacked him 
in the face, kicked his bike over, ripped out his 
nose ring, and threw it on the ground.  Then I 
yelled, 'Now, back off you (censored)s... or I'll 
kick the s--- out of all of you!' " 

St. Peter is impressed, 
"When did this happen?" 

"Couple of minutes ago."

A VETERAN Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life". That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -Author unknown-

#139 camay2327

camay2327

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Posted 07 June 2018 - 02:59 PM

Subject: Confucius didn't Say:

 

Did you ever wonder "What Confucius Didn't Say? 
 
CONFUCIUS DIDN'T SAY 
 

Man who want pretty nurse, must be patient.
 
Passionate kiss, like spider web, leads to undoing of fly.
 
Better to be pissed off than pissed on. - - -   (This is one of my favorites)
 
Lady who goes camping must beware of evil intent.
 
Squirrel who runs up woman's' leg will not find nuts.
 
Man who leaps off cliff jumps to conclusion.
 
Man who eats many prunes get good run for money.
 
War does not determine who is right, it determines who is left.
 
Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night.
 
It takes many nails to build crib, Only one screw to fill it.
 
Man who drives like hell is bound to get there.
 
Man who stands on toilet is high on pot.
 
Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement.
 
Man who fish in other man's pond often catch crabs.


A VETERAN Whether active duty, retired, national guard or reserve - is someone who, at one point in their life, wrote a blank check made payable to "The United States of America" for an amount "up to and including their life". That is HONOR, and there are way too many people in this country who no longer understand it. -Author unknown-




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