16 replies to this topic

[glad2Bme]

I would have no problem saying something to the mom or the kid, for that matter. Not in a mean way, but maybe something like " you can ask mommy in a nice way" or strike up a conversation with the mom about that behavior. I had a friend who didn't want to reprimand her friend's son when he was visiting and playing at her house, because the kid's mom was there too, but the mom wouldn't do anything about the bad behavior. I told her that when kids are on my turf, if the parents are with me and do nothing about rude/bad behavior, it becomes my job to say something, and my friends' problem for keeping quite. If someone treats my kid badly, and I "let it slide" because I don't feel that I can or should say something it tells the perpetrator that their behavior is fine, and it tells my kid that they have to tolerate people treating them that way, which is even worse! I have always taught my kids that they do not have to be everybody's friend, but they do have to treat others respectfully and kindly, or they will be stuck with the mean kids. I tell them that if they are kind and respectful, they will have their choice of friends and I want them to surround themselves with others who are worthy of their friendship. I don't want them to learn now that they have to tolerate abusive or negative relationships......

When my kids were young, their twin cousins were doing stuff I didn't like (getting into eachother's faces and shouting at eachother, disrespecting eachother-- they didn't do it to my kids, but to each other and sometimes their parents)and their parents were not "handling it"....so I decided that I had 2 choices: step in when witnessing the behavior, or not have contact with this portion of my family. The latter was not an option, and I didn't want to go that route, so I decided that since the parents weren't handling it, then I would.....for everyones sake..........I would have hated it to cause trouble, but do we tolerate it to be nice and send our own kids the message that it must be ok because otherwise mom/dad would have spoken up??? The parents need to be the leaders.....It can sometimes be a slippery slope, but if you were already considering not allowing your kids to have contact with the misbehaved kids anyway, you have nothing to lose.......

[asbestoshills]

Mind your own business. Trust me, the parent will take ANY comment you say as an insult and still do what her daughter tells her to do. She will have to learn on her own, like we all do. I had a friend whose three daughters were little monsters and not until she ended up putting them in counseling after they became violent, nothing changed. Now her kids are much better and she doesn't cave in to their every desire. She is an upper income stay at home mom and just basically tried too hard. She is a nice person, but catered to her kids every whim until she created what she never intended. Life lessons need to be learned, not told.