235 replies to this topic

[bordercolliefan]

Andrea, how old is your #1 child now?

[LexHillsmom]

God....

Grant me the serenity to ACCEPT the things I cannot change - (his mind,beliefs, attitudes)
the COURAGE to change the things I can - (your thoughts, feelings and attitudes)
and the WISDOM to know the difference

I've been in your shoes before. Not about another "thing" but "other" stuff. I've gone nearly mad before in trying to get him see things "my way" (always the right way )

This prayer works for me every time. Doesn't always get me what I want, but always what I need. Perhaps you can try?

[Robert Giacometti]

You can't go about getting your *thing* without Chris's approval.

I'd also recommend getting Chris's participation or he will be even more upset!

[Andrea V]

I would not really just DO IT, with out him knowing.... I would let him know it was a possibility that it could happen...

But I sill think I will make it a possibility.

I need to talk to him more. All of the talking that I have done so far, is not enough.

I love him, and he loves me. I would not go behind his back. Maybe he will just "change his mind"


PS: BCF he is 8

[Andrea V]

Andrea, when I got engaged to Dustin he decided that he did not need his own *thing*. I have 2 things and don't really want another thing. I can't stress enough how much I do not want another *thing*. However, I am planning on living the rest of my life happily ever after with Dustin as his wife and life partner and if he came to me tomorrow or in 5 years and explained that he needed this *thing* in order to feel like he had a good life and to feel complete I would give him that thing no matter what because we are partners for life and what makes him happy makes me happy too. I know that a third thing would make my life VERY different and that is a scary idea but in the end that third thing would be a good thing no matter what.

That is what I am saying, you'd do it for him, even though you'd rather not, because it would make him happy. And in the end you'd be happy too.

I want this "thing" more then he does NOT want it. We have based a lot of decisions on who wants/doesn't want it more. So how come I don't automatically "win"?

If the roles were reversed, I'd let him have it.

[Darthvader]

That is what I am saying, you'd do it for him, even though you'd rather not, because it would make him happy. And in the end you'd be happy too.

I want this "thing" more then he does NOT want it. We have based a lot of decisions on who wants/doesn't want it more. So how come I don't automatically "win"?

If the roles were reversed, I'd let him have it.

You know what, if indeed you are talking about another child here, you referring to that as a "thing" tells me that maybe YOU need to really reconsider your decision.

[doj_gal]

When we got married we decided we did not want this "thing"...

Time has gone by, and I now want it, and he still does not.

I say... "please... I really want it..."

and he says "no, we already decided against it, you can't change your mind"

But.... yes I can.

I change my mind all of the time. At this point in time I really want it. And I think it is not fair he doesn't want me to have it.

We already have 1, so what is the difference of 2?

I guess my question is.... is it ok to change your mind about something you decided on many years ago?

Awe tell Mr V that you two need to have another kiddo!!! The first one seems and looks so adorable another one would be great...It kinda sucks that they will be so far apart but it's still awesome!!!!

[Darth Lefty]

It kinda sucks that they will be so far apart but it's still awesome!!!!

How far apart seems right to you? Or anyone. I'm about 2-1/2 years older than my sis, but that's all the frame of reference I've got.

[GaryH]

I don't know you or anyone else on this board, but you seriously aren't thinking about purposely getting pregnant without telling your husband after he specifically said he did not want to??? That is horribly deceitful and underhanded. Obviously accidents happen (I know first hand), but you have the choice, it should be BOTH partners choice.... even just taking yourself off of birthcontrol is pretty bad knowing that both of you are not on the same side right now.

If those comments were a joke, never mind my comments.

[stacycam]

That is what I am saying, you'd do it for him, even though you'd rather not, because it would make him happy. And in the end you'd be happy too.

I want this "thing" more then he does NOT want it. We have based a lot of decisions on who wants/doesn't want it more. So how come I don't automatically "win"?

If the roles were reversed, I'd let him have it.

I just think having a kid is a HUGE responsibility, and a lot of work. That decision should not be entered into lightly. You both will have to live with this decision 24/7 for the next 19 years. If you are a good, active parent, (which it sounds like you are based on your prior comments), it takes a lot of time and energy to raise a child. Your life is flipped upside-down for a few years. They are also expensive, especially when they are older.

I dunno. It just seems so huge to me that to pressure someone into it, or to be pressured into it, just isn't fair. If he is on the fence, that's a different story. I still think giving it time might help, too.

[ngilbert]

They are expensive when they get to high-school college. They do provide companionship for each other and are a hoot to watch interact. Wow. Tough decisions. Do you guys have enough time to take care of your second... freezer...i.e. do you feel like you're spending enough time with your first one? How old is your first freezer? Okay...I'm completely barking up the wrong tree so...

Don...out.

Wow, I admire your dedication to your freezers, spending time with them and such. I pretty much ignore mine until I need something from them or unless they start making a lot of noise.

You're right about them becoming expensive as they get older, but you can usually turn them in and get a check from PG&E, which helps pay for a more energy-efficient model.

We um... we *are* talking about the same thing, right?

[supermom]

Did you go and visit Jolenes new "thing"?

And now those feelings are stirrinig inside you for a another "thing"?

I know the feeling.

Best idea to recover from this.

Go on a wonderful, long two-some vacation and really enjoy each and talk about your evolving relationship. Men get it. Sometimes they just really need to understand how committed you are(to the idea).

If Chris is still not liking the idea, I suggest a couple class.

'cause whether you agree or not in the end--there may be some resentments from either one of you. The best idea is to be completely straight-forward and honest with each other without any bruising resentments or emotions.

"Things" are precious but should not be the primary focus of a strong relationship in a family.

[MSgt]

Wives all know that if they keep after their husbands over and over and over again, we eventually fold like a lawn chair.

[Fire]

Yes, but why can't I change my mind?

The reason for prenuptial agreements and vasectomies.

[ngilbert]

Wives all know that if they keep after their husbands over and over and over again, we eventually fold like a lawn chair.

Heh -

Women marry men thining they can change them.
Men marry women thinking they'll never change.

I say, go buy the freezer.... or toaster... or whatever we're talking about. Most appliance stores have a return policy.

ps: I'm glad Chris doesn't know about this deeply private discussion going on here about him. Boy, how awkward would that be?