Owner
Posted 07 February 2017 - 10:44 PM
...that she needed to lose 20 pounds. He did so via text. She sent sad face and frown face emogis back.
He says that he is concerned because she doesn't exercise and excess weight is unhealthy and unattractive.
My sister thinks it was a stupid move and that she is already aware that she's gained weight.
What do you think? Do you tell someone you care about that they need to lose weight, or do you keep your mouth shut?
Steve Heard
Folsom Real Estate Specialist
EXP Realty
BRE#01368503
Owner - MyFolsom.com
916 718 9577
(Folsom Trails)
Posted 08 February 2017 - 03:39 AM
Steve Wrote:
What do you think? Do you tell someone you care about that they need to lose weight, or do you keep your mouth shut?
Your brother seems to be trying to win Major A Hole of the Year award imo. He obviously doesn't care about this woman or a future with her. Very callous to do so by text. I posted your last sentence because I do think you can say something in a tactful way IF a conversation was steered that way by said overweight person. Think twice though when it's a woman, ANY WOMAN and never do something like your brother did.
Folsom Gardner
Posted 08 February 2017 - 05:55 AM
I think it was fine to text it if they are having a textual relationship as many I see do. At least it opens up the dialogue using real mouths... soemthing
he obviously found difficult to start that way...
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(Folsom Trails)
Posted 08 February 2017 - 09:53 AM
I think it was fine to text it if they are having a textual relationship as many I see do. At least it opens up the dialogue using real mouths... soemthing
he obviously found difficult to start that way...
I have to admit I didn't even consider this scenario being old school. I'm still thinking it's on the rude side but what with the new rules and all? Anyway I stand by my opinion if they are over age 30 lol.
Living Legend
Posted 08 February 2017 - 10:26 AM
I think she will be his ex-girlfriend very soon.
Folsom Citizen
Posted 08 February 2017 - 12:44 PM
That's a doozy but sometimes it does need to be said... but maybe in a nicer way like "hey we should start exercising together and eating healthier" or something like that.
Is he in perfect shape?
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Founder
Posted 08 February 2017 - 01:47 PM
I was waiting for a punchline.
I think your brother is going to have an ex-girlfriend soon if that's how he communicates with her.
Superstar
Posted 08 February 2017 - 02:00 PM
I'm an old coot, and still ascribe to "Honesty is the Best Policy". There are any number of ways to open this topic. Some are gentle, some are brutal. But the fundamental message is, "I want you around for a long time, so start paying attention to your health." Not a bad message.
If the relationship can't survive a conversation about this and ends in a breakup, then IMO the relationship wasn't that strong to start with. In my experience, good relationships are hard work. Sometimes it's fun, sometimes it's not. Sounds like it's time to go to work.
Superstar
Posted 08 February 2017 - 02:05 PM
Your sister is right, your brother's girlfriend knows EXACTLY how much weight she's gained and if its truly 20 pounds, she's probably depressed about it. If the relationship is serious they should be talking about long-term goals and healthy living should be one of those goals. Talk about what they can do together to reach and maintain that goal. It should be a subtle conversation maybe relaxing over a glass of wine. It doesn't have to be negative if he isn't focused solely on her weight. If she's gained 20 pounds your brother probably has an idea why - is she unhappy at work? Family issues? He should subtly ask if anything is bothering her and if she opens up ask how he can help. This should be done in person not via text - its a very personal subject and deserves a personal one-on-one conversation.
If he doesn't see himself with this woman six months from now he should not mention her weight - she may be more invested in the relationship than he is and he may be the underlying cause of her weight gain.
Hopeless Addict
Posted 08 February 2017 - 02:11 PM
Actually 20 pounds is not a huge deal and can be managed...it's not insurmountable. In our daily lives we all see people who are way more than 20 pounds overweight. She can get this under control and back to a reasonably normal weight fairly quickly with simple things...if she wants to.
Owner
Posted 08 February 2017 - 03:27 PM
Yes, his methods leave a little something to be desired.
He can be direct and even rude at times.
It's funny, he posted this on his Facebook and got everything from 'keep your mouth shut if you still want the benefits' to 'you're going to drive her to eating more'.
He said he'd rather tell her now than wait until it's 30 or 40 pounds, and he won't want the benefits.
He's in reasonable shape, rides his bike almost daily. She doesn't do much.
I once weighed in at about 245lbs, was inactive, smoking, drinking too much have no real regard for my health. I know how it feels to be fat and to be reminded of said fatness.
I also am now super-active, eat pretty well, and try to inspire others to do so, but would never tell them they were fat.
We'll see how it works out with him.
Steve Heard
Folsom Real Estate Specialist
EXP Realty
BRE#01368503
Owner - MyFolsom.com
916 718 9577
Hopeless Addict
Posted 08 February 2017 - 05:33 PM
face to face and in a loving way only for something like that, which really could hurt.
Hopeless Addict
Posted 12 February 2017 - 01:09 PM
"Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive" -- C.S. Lewis
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"Society in every state is a blessing, but Government, even in its best state, is but a necessary evil; in its worst state an intolerable one" — Thomas Paine, 𝘊𝘰𝘮𝘮𝘰𝘯 𝘚𝘦𝘯𝘴𝘦 (1776)
Hopeless Addict
Posted 13 February 2017 - 03:44 PM
Steve, here is an experiment. Try texting that to your wife and see what happens. 
Wait until after Valentine's Day though....
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