8 replies to this topic

[OceanGirl]

Hi all-

Just wondering if any of the rest of you have experienced this or if it is just our bad fortune.........we keep running into mean kids at the playground!!

My son is only 3 1/2 and is at the point where he is very eager to make friends with pretty much anyone right now near his age- we are having some bad luck in this area cuz he keeps running into meanies!! Is it just me or are kids more rude upfront today than they used to be. I can't remember ever doing some of these things on the playground when I was little.

Examples: When he was about 2 1/2, we were at a playground and he went up to some older kids- maybe like 8-10 year olds........I would have thought the age difference was enough for them to be nice to this cute little boy wanting to play.....apparently not!! He climbed up where they were on the top of the slide (wide deck area) and was shyly looking at them. The leader of this small group of kids said to him "You gonna go down and get out of our way or just stand there and be a pest?" Jadon had no clue what they were talking about and he just stood there smiling. Then the kid said "Either go down, or I will make you go down"- this is where I stepped in and explained to this kid that Jadon was just a little boy, why the need to be so mean? He didn't even know what you were talking about, he just wants to have fun, which he has a right to. I then told him he had no right to bully others and act like this playground was his. No idea where the parents were but come on!! That was just ridiculous!!

The other examples come from today........we were at another park and Jadon approached a boy sitting at the top of a slide. He stood there waiting his turn, but the boy didn't go down. He kept waiting and finally the boy said to him- "Go away, you can't use this slide!!" This little boy was about the same age as Jadon- 3-4. I stood up from where I was and asked the little boy if Jadon could take a turn now so the boy said "Sure!!" and went down the slide. Later, same boy told Jadon to go away when he was watching him fill a bucket full of water. We didn't even know this kid......why so mean right from the first interaction?

One more- also today.......went over to the water part of the park and Jadon approached a little boy- again the same age- playing. Jadon sidled up to him and said "Hi" and the boy layed down, got water in his mouth and spit it in Jadon's face!! I thought......oh no......but Jadon played along and it became a fun game for them- Jadon being chased, the boy trying to spit at him. Not my idea of a fun game, but I didn't interrupt since they were both laughing and seemingly having fun. But......interesting way to first meet someone........get water spit into your face.

Is it just me? I'm new to this.......are we just having some seriously bad luck finding nice, polite kids?!!

Thanks in advance for any of your comments, stories, etc.

[OceanGirl]

Livermore Park. The first kid's Mom was hanging out on the outskirts of the playground with a group of other people. The second kid's Mom was luxuriating on the grass in the shade with a group of ladies. There were a lot of kids being "watched" from quite a distance.

I don't mean to sound like I think all kids out there are mean- I know they aren't.......just wondering how kids get like this at such a young age.....it makes me sad. Maybe a lot of it has to do with lack of supervision cuz if I heard/saw my kid say/do any of these things, I'd have a fit!!

[bordercolliefan]

I haven't run into much meanness at playgrounds -- but I think you did the right thing in intervening in these situations. It takes a village... and kids need to learn that we adults won't tolerate that kind of behavior.

I have seen meanness and bullying at school, even in kindergarten and 1st grade. I'm talking about kids laughing at one another, calling other kids "dumb," etc.

I believe that some parents fail to spend sufficient time teaching their children how to empathize with others' feelings. Questions like, "How do you think that made him feel?" and "What could we do to help her feel better?" should be a daily part of parenting our children. Some parents just think "Kids will be kids" and let them run around like Lord of the Flies, without trying to instill kindness and empathy.

That said, I do think occasionally even the best-taught kids will experiment with some bullying or meanness that they may have seen from other kids or from older siblings. Still, it's our job as parents to take it seriously and step in whenever we see such behavior.

[OceanGirl]

Very good post Bordercolliefan.....I agree!!

[Steve Heard]

I haven't run into much meanness at playgrounds -- but I think you did the right thing in intervening in these situations.  It takes a village... and kids need to learn that we adults won't tolerate that kind of behavior. 

I have seen meanness and bullying at school, even in kindergarten and 1st grade.  I'm talking about kids laughing at one another, calling other kids "dumb," etc. 

I believe that some parents fail to spend sufficient time teaching their children how to empathize with others' feelings.  Questions like, "How do you think that made him feel?" and "What could we do to help her feel better?" should be a daily part of parenting our children.  Some parents just think "Kids will be kids" and let them run around like Lord of the Flies, without trying to instill kindness and empathy. 

That said, I do think occasionally even the best-taught kids will experiment with some bullying or meanness that they may have seen from other kids or from older siblings.  Still, it's our job as parents to take it seriously and step in whenever we see such behavior.

I've seen parents who tolerate, ignore or even encourage mean bahavior.

They say things like:

"All kids do that". "We let them solve their own problems", "It's a tough world", "He'll get over it", etc.

Clueless

[Dave Burrell]

I've seen parents who tolerate, ignore or even encourage mean bahavior.

They say things like:

"All kids do that". "We let them solve their own problems", "It's a tough world", "He'll get over it", etc.

Clueless

You summed it up well Steve - those parents are totally clueless and its a shame their kids are growing up to be jerks as a result

[Deb aka Resume Lady]

Sadly, this isn't a recent phenomenon. My children are 19 and 16 and we ran into the same thing when they were younger. I fully agree with the comments about how many parents ignore or encourage or excuse the behavior; I hate the expression "boys will be boys" to excuse bullying behavior. Bullies will be bullies if their parents encourage, allow or ignore bullying behavior.

I was in line in the grocery store once -- right behind a mom with a 4ish year old in the cart. 4ish spits at me. Mother is reading a magazine, but I think she sees it... she does/says nothing. So I say to 4ish, "It's not nice to spit at people." Mother says/does nothing. 4ish does it again. This time I have words with mom, who looks at me like I'm a b*tch. Still doesn't discipline her child.

Some parents condone/teach rudeness when they excuse their children who ignore you by claiming, "Junior's just shy." Excuse me... if my children didn't respond when someone spoke to them, I'd teach them it's not polite to ignore people and ensure that they responded.

Bordercollie hit the nail on the head. Teaching and guiding our children should be done on a continual basis, teaching empathy, offering alternative behaviors and strategies, etc. This doesn't happen by itself.

[Gina99]

Well my son is 3.5 also and very nice so anytime you want to meet at a park for a playdate we are there. I have mostly run into very nice responsible parents at the parks but every once in a while there is an annoying child and a parent in the distance.One time we were at the castle park in the sand area and a boy was throwing sand on my son. The mom was right there, on the cell, calling all her friends and telling them how cute her son was playing in the sand but ignoring him at the same time-weird.