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Advice Needed...


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#1 Andrea V

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:18 PM

When we got married we decided we did not want this "thing"...

Time has gone by, and I now want it, and he still does not.

I say... "please... I really want it..."

and he says "no, we already decided against it, you can't change your mind"

But.... yes I can.

I change my mind all of the time. At this point in time I really want it. And I think it is not fair he doesn't want me to have it.

We already have 1, so what is the difference of 2?

I guess my question is.... is it ok to change your mind about something you decided on many years ago?
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#2 mylo

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:27 PM

Other women only get in the way of healthy relationships. I say stick to your original decision.
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#3 October15

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:38 PM

QUOTE(mylo @ Dec 16 2007, 03:27 PM)  
Other women only get in the way of healthy relationships. I say stick to your original decision.


Mylo...hilarious as usual. Hey...Andrea V...is this going to turn into a huge "he said/ she said" with different threads? Are we talking about kids? Yikes. If so...that's tougher than a second...uhhh...chest freezer. If that's what we're talking about (not chest freezer) two isn't going to be a whole lot different than one....it seems like the first would have been the biggest issue for most people who don't want...er...chest freezers. They are expensive when they get to high-school college. They do provide companionship for each other and are a hoot to watch interact. Wow. Tough decisions. Do you guys have enough time to take care of your second... freezer...i.e. do you feel like you're spending enough time with your first one? How old is your first freezer? Okay...I'm completely barking up the wrong tree so...

Don...out.

#4 Andrea V

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:38 PM

QUOTE(mylo @ Dec 16 2007, 03:27 PM)  
Other women only get in the way of healthy relationships. I say stick to your original decision.

Yes, but why can't I change my mind?
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#5 tgianco

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:42 PM

I say get it, and then report back to us what happened.

Let it play out on the forums.

I bet Chris digs the impulse buy.
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#6 Andrea V

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:47 PM

*I* think I should just do it anyway.... he will get over it, and be happy in the end.

I/WE have plenty of time and $$$.... (don't listen to him, he will claim the opposite just so I don't do it)

I will let it play out on the forums till the end of January. Then I will see where I am and if I still want it, and then.......
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#7 Darthvader

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:55 PM

QUOTE(Andrea V @ Dec 16 2007, 03:47 PM)  
*I* think I should just do it anyway.... he will get over it, and be happy in the end.

I/WE have plenty of time and $$$.... (don't listen to him, he will claim the opposite just so I don't do it)

I will let it play out on the forums till the end of January. Then I will see where I am and if I still want it, and then.......


Yes, yes...PLEASE keep us informed about this thing you want, he doesn't, etc etc. Gosh I hope he doesn't read this and see you asking about that thing again. Please keep us posted as to what happens....on pins and needles here....

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#8 jenjen

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 03:59 PM

Oh please lets have some more speculation! I'm thinking its a dog. Or a timeshare. I don't think its a kid. Or his & hers tatoos. Maybe its the artificial tree debate. Or cosmetic surgery!

Those are my guesses.
Jen

#9 Solartide

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 04:05 PM

I'm thinking its a cherry tree.

I say get 2.

#10 Darth Lefty

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 04:16 PM

Is he maybe allergic to this chingadera you want?
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#11 TawnyK

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 04:20 PM

I know what this thing is and this thread makes me a little sad.

Andrea, when I got engaged to Dustin he decided that he did not need his own *thing*. I have 2 things and don't really want another thing. I can't stress enough how much I do not want another *thing*. However, I am planning on living the rest of my life happily ever after with Dustin as his wife and life partner and if he came to me tomorrow or in 5 years and explained that he needed this *thing* in order to feel like he had a good life and to feel complete I would give him that thing no matter what because we are partners for life and what makes him happy makes me happy too. I know that a third thing would make my life VERY different and that is a scary idea but in the end that third thing would be a good thing no matter what.

You can't go about getting your *thing* without Chris's approval. That is really an underhanded and rotten way to get it and I advise against it with all my heart. However, the one thing you already have is very nice and good and it seems to me one more would compliment you guys nicely. In short, it IS ok to change your mind on this- there is no way you could have known back then how you would feel now.

Sit Chris down, explain open heartedly how much the thing you want means to you how you feel you may regret it for the rest of your life if you aren't given the opportunity. Don't beg but make sure you have expressed your need as well as your desire and how important it is to you.

I have more I want to say about this but I think I will save it for a phone call or a in depth conversation over pints at the pub. I love you guys.

#12 Darthvader

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 04:25 PM

QUOTE(TawnyK @ Dec 16 2007, 04:20 PM)  
I know what this thing is and this thread makes me a little sad.

Andrea, when I got engaged to Dustin he decided that he did not need his own *thing*. I have 2 things and don't really want another thing. I can't stress enough how much I do not want another *thing*. However, I am planning on living the rest of my life happily ever after with Dustin as his wife and life partner and if he came to me tomorrow or in 5 years and explained that he needed this *thing* in order to feel like he had a good life and to feel complete I would give him that thing no matter what because we are partners for life and what makes him happy makes me happy too. I know that a third thing would make my life VERY different and that is a scary idea but in the end that third thing would be a good thing no matter what.

You can't go about getting your *thing* without Chris's approval. That is really an underhanded and rotten way to get it and I advise against it with all my heart. However, the one thing you already have is very nice and good and it seems to me one more would compliment you guys nicely. In short, it IS ok to change your mind on this- there is no way you could have known back then how you would feel now.

Sit Chris down, explain open heartedly how much the thing you want means to you how you feel you may regret it for the rest of your life if you aren't given the opportunity. Don't beg but make sure you have expressed your need as well as your desire and how important it is to you.

I have more I want to say about this but I think I will save it for a phone call or a in depth conversation over pints at the pub. I love you guys.


My head is spinning after *trying* to read and understand this.

Just get the second Wii and be done with it ok.



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#13 bordercolliefan

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 04:34 PM

There is no way to address this without knowing what "it" is.

If it's some material object -- a car or freezer chest or whatever -- there's got to be some way to compromise after understanding the other person's objections to it. That might mean getting a cheaper car or a smaller freezer or just using your own money or whatever.

I'm thinking you're probably talking about a second child. I guess there's a similar principle: you have to really understand the other person's objections and figure out whether they can be realistically addressed (i.e., suggest hiring a night nanny if the night-time wake-ups are the issue, or think of some ways to save money if it's a budget issue). If you can't get him to agree by addressing his objections, then I think the default position has to be "no second child." That was agreed from the beginning, and in any event, it is unfair to make someone a parent against their will.

Without presuming that your issue is about having a second child, I will say that I can see how difficult this issue would be. In a way, my husband and I could have the reverse dilemma: I would be very averse to having a 3rd child, whereas I supect he would welcome it. We just cross our fingers that issue won't come up. wink.gif

#14 stacycam

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 05:28 PM

I'm pretty sure this is a baby, and I say you CANNOT go against his wishes. This is the one issue I think the "no" answer trumps the "yes". Right now, I do not want another child. While I love my two very much, the thought of another is more than I can handle. If my husband somehow tricked me into having another, I would resent him, and who knows how I'd feel about the baby. Obviously, you will love your children, but it is much too important for you both not to agree 100%.

Of course, having the dialog is important, but I think it would be completely wrong to deceive him. Also, he reads this forum, so he'll know anyway. wink.gif

Talk it out. You guys are still very young. You never know how it will be in a few years. I'll tell you, though, it's a shock to your system to have such an age gap. Mine are only 4 1/2 years apart, and the adjustment was tough! Also, I think going from one kid to two is harder than no kids to one. That said, you may be able to convince him. I don't know him at all, so I can't really guess.

Now, if this is not a baby, talk it out, and you'll probably get what you want. I don't think that's it, though.

p.s. Sorry you feel that way. I know what it feels to hunger for a little one. I know it will be hard to have it be unfulfilled, but you'll get past it.

edited to add: Your main question was whether it was okay to change your mind. Of course it's okay, and it's been a lifetime since you made that decision. While I don't think you have to be held to your decisions, you can't expect him to change his. KWIM?

#15 EDF

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Posted 16 December 2007 - 05:46 PM

if it's a kid... I'd say have em as close together as possible.,. that way the little stinkers can play with earch other... and not keep pestering you for attention....

nothing worse than having two little brats in diapers.. but we got the discount at child care cause they were so close in age.. and it was easier to have them do stuff together like the water slides and disney because they were the same size... and could get on the rides...

and the oldes one would help the youngest one with the homework... of course the youngest now is a Cal Poly geek grad and will never own up to the fact that his older brother actually showed him how to do some Algebra II formulas...

I'd say go for it... be real sweet.. wear a nice teddy and he'll come around... at least that's what worked when my ex got "her way".. for a "2nd one"...




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