11 replies to this topic

[Inwit]

I'm having mixed feelings on who to buy gifts for.

I've been sending a Xmas Card to my step-nephew for decades and never get one back.
I've been sending gifts to his two children for their entire lives (one is 15 and the other is 11).
I never get a thank you. My step-nephew has never sent our child a gift or a card, B-day or Xmas.
We get together for picnics and/or Thanksgiving day dinner 2 to 3 times a year. They usually are visiting us for Thanksgiving, I think I've been to his house once.

This year, my step-nephews youngest son got caught trying to steal money from my son's wallet.
I really don't want to be giving a gift to the little bully/theif anymore. And while I don't think it is right to give a gift to his sister and not to him, his sister is in high school and has never said thank you for any of the gifts I've given her over the years.

I'm thinking of still sending them a Xmas card as always, and leaving it at that.

Any thoughts as to what I should do?

[nomad]

I'm having mixed feelings on who to buy gifts for.

I've been sending a Xmas Card to my step-nephew for decades and never get one back.
I've been sending gifts to his two children for their entire lives (one is 15 and the other is 11).
I never get a thank you. My step-nephew has never sent our child a gift or a card, B-day or Xmas.
We get together for picnics and/or Thanksgiving day dinner 2 to 3 times a year. They usually are visiting us for Thanksgiving, I think I've been to his house once.

This year, my step-nephews youngest son got caught trying to steal money from my son's wallet.
I really don't want to be giving a gift to the little bully/theif anymore. And while I don't think it is right to give a gift to his sister and not to him, his sister is in high school and has never said thank you for any of the gifts I've given her over the years.

I'm thinking of still sending them a Xmas card as always, and leaving it at that.

Any thoughts as to what I should do?


Seems like you know who's been naughty and who's been nice, I'd got with that!

[4thgenFolsomite]

I'm thinking of still sending them a Xmas card as always, and leaving it at that.

Any thoughts as to what I should do?

I think you already know. You got it right. Just send a card. They don't acknowledge what you do anyway, so its not likely you are going to hurt anyone's feelings. Go with your gut! families change over time, so its natural that as kids get older they drop out of the gift-giving. Trust yourself.

[AMETHYST PRODUCTIVITY]

Without a doubt, no gifts IMO and personally, I wouldn't even send a card at this point. But that's just me.

[Darth Lefty]

Coal!

[stacycam]

Without a doubt, no gifts IMO and personally, I wouldn't even send a card at this point. But that's just me.

+1

[4thgenFolsomite]

don't think of this as punishing. just as the natural gradual growing apart. if a 11 year old took something, don't punish the whole family. I think its just more that you are moving apart and that's okay. its not punishment, just evolution.

[john]

When I was a kid I wasn't very appreciative of my aunt's christmas gifts... I was a teenager when she stopped buying gifts for me. That's OK! I don't think it should be expected as the kids grow older.

[4thgenFolsomite]

When I was a kid I wasn't very appreciative of my aunt's christmas gifts... I was a teenager when she stopped buying gifts for me. That's OK! I don't think it should be expected as the kids grow older.

so its okay for me to stop buying presents for my neices and nephews? how about their kids (infants and toddlers)? And what about my 22 year old Godson?

[AMETHYST PRODUCTIVITY]

so its okay for me to stop buying presents for my neices and nephews? how about their kids (infants and toddlers)? And what about my 22 year old Godson?

I think it all depends on how close you are. I'm 45 years old and my father's sister still sends me birthday and xmas gifts but we are very close. She did mention that she stopped sending my cousins gifts because she didn't get so much as a thank you.

Slightly off the original topic: I'm a big believer in giving gifts just because and not because it's "expected." I might give someone a gift because I saw something they might like but then not do a birthday or holiday gift. As you can imagine, considering my profession, I prefer to give gifts that are either really needed or are consumables like gift cards, gourmet treats, etc. Nothing that will turn into clutter. I would never for instance give a gift like a vase unless the person was really into flowers and I knew they needed or wanted one.

We all have way more than we need these days as far as "things" are concerned. Try to think experiences instead, i.e. a day out someplace or dinner and a movie maybe. Another great gift idea is a donation to a charity someone really cares about. When a friend of ours who had leukemia got married a while back, we made a generous donation to Leukemia research instead of buying them another thing they didn't need.

[Steve Heard]

My 5 sibs and I don't exchange gifts. One of my sister buys me stuff, but my wife and her are best friends so they take care of each other.

My wife's family on the other hand, always had these big Christmas events where we'd all gather after the meal for the present opening ceremony. They were really big on the gift thing. 1 great grand mother, 2 grand parents, 1 aunt, and 4 sisters, then they all got married adding, 4 husbands, and then 6 grandkids.

It became ridiculously expensive, and came to a point where we had sweaters, electronics, movies and other gifts still in bags and boxes from the previous year.

I suggested a name draw for a white elphant type-thing. They liked the name draw, but wanted it to be something nice, minimum $50.

This year we decided not to buy gifts at all. I hope this means the women will be more relaxed and not stressed for the holidays. At least it's cheaper now.

[kellismom]

I'm having mixed feelings on who to buy gifts for.

I've been sending a Xmas Card to my step-nephew for decades and never get one back.
I've been sending gifts to his two children for their entire lives (one is 15 and the other is 11).
I never get a thank you. My step-nephew has never sent our child a gift or a card, B-day or Xmas.
We get together for picnics and/or Thanksgiving day dinner 2 to 3 times a year. They usually are visiting us for Thanksgiving, I think I've been to his house once.

This year, my step-nephews youngest son got caught trying to steal money from my son's wallet.
I really don't want to be giving a gift to the little bully/theif anymore. And while I don't think it is right to give a gift to his sister and not to him, his sister is in high school and has never said thank you for any of the gifts I've given her over the years.

I'm thinking of still sending them a Xmas card as always, and leaving it at that.

Any thoughts as to what I should do?

Just send a card this year. If your nephew can't get his kids to at least send a thank you, then let it go. It's not easy, but definitely less stressful. Maybe they didn't even know you were sending them gifts, but if they knew and there was no appreciation, then let your nephew explain to his kids why they only received a card this year.