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10 Habits Of Healthy Couples - How Many Do You Do?


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#1 Steve Heard

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 04:08 PM

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples.

 

1. Go to bed at the same time
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle and unless one or both are completely exhausted to feel sexually excited.

 

2. Cultivate common interests
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

 

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

 

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

 

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

 

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

 

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

 

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

 

9. Do a “weather” check during the day
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

 

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

 

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit…and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

If there was one key to happiness in love and life and possibly even success it would be to go into each conversation you have with this commandment to yourself front and foremost in your mind, "Just Listen" and be more interested than interesting, more fascinated than fascinating and more adoring than adorable.

http://www.psycholog...s-happy-couples

 

Agree? How many of these do you do? 


Steve Heard

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EXP Realty

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Owner - MyFolsom.com

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#2 Darth Lefty

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 05:21 PM

We only do seven or eight of these!  OH NO WE ARE DOOMED


"I enjoy a bit of cooking, and this has always worried me. But it's OK. I only like it because it allows me to play with knives." - James May

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#3 WolfMom

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 05:51 PM

1. Go to bed at the same time- Yep

2. Cultivate common interests - Yep

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side - Always

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode - Yep

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong - We write each other notes about the great things we do for each other

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work - Hugging not always possible as I am usually working on dinner when he gets home but we always kiss. (Which I like better than hugging anyway!)

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning - Yessir!

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel - Never go to bed mad. Once we are in bed together it is impossible to stay mad anyway.

9. Do a “weather” check during the day - Yeah, we check in a lot. (Maybe too much? NAH!!!) Those "sweet nothings" make the day better.

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner - Have you seen pictures of my guy? :lmaosmiley:  Yeah, I would say I am grinning-ear-to-ear proud to be seen with him.

 

So 9 out of 10? (Or does question #6 give us a 9.5?)
 

Fun post! Thanks for sharing!


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#4 folsom44

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 07:08 PM

I have known several couples that would over do it on the public affection...calling eachother 'smoochums' hand holding, you name it....all of which ended up divorced. One friend admitting after the divorce that he was tired of the show. When you love someone, you don't have to prove it. My husband insisted on staying with me for several nights at the hospital when all our children were born. He slept on a tiny couch half his size. Those type pf gestures mean more than holding hands. Dont get me wrong....this a great list to keep in mind! I am just saying.....when someone loves you....you know.

#5 WolfMom

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 07:36 PM

.....when someone loves you....you know.

Sometimes we lose track of that in the chaos of everyday life. Some people thrive in a demonstrative relationship and some people don't. When my husband KNEW I was THE ONE he asked me to read a book called "The 5 Love languages". He then said if I didn't want to read it if I "could please just take the quiz at the end of the book" so he "could know how to fill my love tank". Of course, it was then that I knew I was the luckiest gal on Earth to have a guy that asks me what makes me feel loved! I learned so much from that book that I have bought several copies of the book over the years and loan them out. (If I see one at a yard sale I buy it and give it to a friend.) It is a fun activity for couples and a great eye-opener and is a short read. (Valentine's Day is coming up folks!) As our lives change and our demands and needs alter we retake the test every couple of years and I have found that our love languages do alter a bit.

 

Here is a link to the book: http://www.amazon.co...89238210&sr=1-1


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#6 Deanna H

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 07:56 PM

What does it take to be happy in a relationship? If you’re working to improve your marriage, here are the 10 habits of happy couples.

 

1. Go to bed at the same time
Remember the beginning of your relationship, when you couldn’t wait to go to bed with each other to make love? Happy couples resist the temptation to go to bed at different times. They go to bed at the same time, even if one partner wakes up later to do things while their partner sleeps. And when their skins touch it still causes each of them to tingle and unless one or both are completely exhausted to feel sexually excited.

 

2. Cultivate common interests
After the passion settles down, it’s common to realize that you have few interests in common. But don’t minimize the importance of activities you can do together that you both enjoy. If common interests are not present, happy couples develop them. At the same time, be sure to cultivate interests of your own; this will make you more interesting to your mate and prevent you from appearing too dependent.

 

3. Walk hand in hand or side by side
Rather than one partner lagging or dragging behind the other, happy couples walk comfortably hand in hand or side by side. They know it’s more important to be with their partner than to see the sights along the way.

 

4. Make trust and forgiveness your default mode
If and when they have a disagreement or argument, and if they can’t resolve it, happy couples default to trusting and forgiving rather than distrusting and begrudging.

 

5. Focus more on what your partner does right than what he or she does wrong
If you look for things your partner does wrong, you can always find something. If you look for what he or she does right, you can always find something, too. It all depends on what you want to look for. Happy couples accentuate the positive.

 

6. Hug each other as soon as you see each other after work
Our skin has a memory of “good touch” (loved), “bad touch” (abused) and “no touch” (neglected). Couples who say hello with a hug keep their skin bathed in the “good touch,” which can inoculate your spirit against anonymity in the world.

 

7. Say “I love you” and “Have a good day” every morning
This is a great way to buy some patience and tolerance as each partner sets out each day to battle traffic jams, long lines and other annoyances.

 

8. Say “Good night” every night, regardless of how you feel
This tells your partner that, regardless of how upset you are with him or her, you still want to be in the relationship. It says that what you and your partner have is bigger than any single upsetting incident.

 

9. Do a “weather” check during the day
Call your partner at home or at work to see how his or her day is going. This is a great way to adjust expectations so that you’re more in sync when you connect after work. For instance, if your partner is having an awful day, it might be unreasonable to expect him or her to be enthusiastic about something good that happened to you.

 

10. Be proud to be seen with your partner
Happy couples are pleased to be seen together and are often in some kind of affectionate contact — hand on hand or hand on shoulder or knee or back of neck. They are not showing off but rather just saying that they belong with each other.

 

Happy couples have different habits than unhappy couples. A habit is a discrete behavior that you do automatically and that takes little effort to maintain. It takes 21 days of daily repetition of a new a behavior to become a habit. So select one of the behaviors in the list above to do for 21 days and voila, it will become a habit…and make you happier as a couple. And if you fall off the wagon, don’t despair, just apologize to your partner, ask their forgiveness and recommit yourself to getting back in the habit.

If there was one key to happiness in love and life and possibly even success it would be to go into each conversation you have with this commandment to yourself front and foremost in your mind, "Just Listen" and be more interested than interesting, more fascinated than fascinating and more adoring than adorable.

http://www.psycholog...s-happy-couples

 

Agree? How many of these do you do? 

We've always done all of it. I don't ever recall making an effort to do any of it though.



#7 Steve Heard

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Posted 08 January 2014 - 08:51 PM

I have known several couples that would over do it on the public affection...calling eachother 'smoochums' hand holding, you name it....all of which ended up divorced. One friend admitting after the divorce that he was tired of the show. When you love someone, you don't have to prove it. My husband insisted on staying with me for several nights at the hospital when all our children were born. He slept on a tiny couch half his size. Those type pf gestures mean more than holding hands. Dont get me wrong....this a great list to keep in mind! I am just saying.....when someone loves you....you know.

 

Have you ever read 'The Five Love Languages?' 

 

I think you'd find that not everyone 'knows' when they are loved. Some need to hear it in different ways. 

 

The Five Love Languages are: 

  • Acts of Service
  • Physical Touch
  • Receiving Gifts
  • Words of Affirmation
  • Quality Time

I usually lean toward 'words of affirmation' and 'quality time', and as such, buying me a gift, though nice, isn't what I need, want or expect. 

 

My wife is an 'acts of service' person. She will do anything for me if I fix something around the house, even take out the trash. No need to buy her gifts. She'll just return them. 


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#8 folsom44

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 05:55 AM

I understand everyones points. Maybe I just take it for granted that my husband and I both know how loved we are. We do a lot of things for eachother instinctively without any effort. I am all for couples getting guidance from a book or other means to better the relationship. I think sometimes people call it quits too soon without working on the relationship.

#9 WolfMom

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 07:58 AM

So funny! My husband and I retook the tests (5 love languages) last night and found our results have shifted and now all of our scores are almost exactly the same. (Just one point off on two categories, but all the placement rankings are the same!) We laughed at that.


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#10 cw68

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 08:55 AM

Sometimes we lose track of that in the chaos of everyday life. Some people thrive in a demonstrative relationship and some people don't. When my husband KNEW I was THE ONE he asked me to read a book called "The 5 Love languages". He then said if I didn't want to read it if I "could please just take the quiz at the end of the book" so he "could know how to fill my love tank". Of course, it was then that I knew I was the luckiest gal on Earth to have a guy that asks me what makes me feel loved! I learned so much from that book that I have bought several copies of the book over the years and loan them out. (If I see one at a yard sale I buy it and give it to a friend.) It is a fun activity for couples and a great eye-opener and is a short read. (Valentine's Day is coming up folks!) As our lives change and our demands and needs alter we retake the test every couple of years and I have found that our love languages do alter a bit.
 
Here is a link to the book: http://www.amazon.co...89238210&sr=1-1


This is a favorite book of mine. I've even talked to my daughter (12 yrs ild) about it after mentioning that she (like her Mom) is definitely a "touch." It has helped her communicate with her Dad, too. I was just thinking that she should read it.

#11 Steve Heard

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 10:11 AM

This is a favorite book of mine. I've even talked to my daughter (12 yrs ild) about it after mentioning that she (like her Mom) is definitely a "touch." It has helped her communicate with her Dad, too. I was just thinking that she should read it.

 

 I think sometimes people call it quits too soon without working on the relationship.

 

I agree. A book like this can help one get an understanding of what is important to their partner, because they may not articulate it.

 

If one gives gifts to show love, impress or make amends, but their partner isn't a 'gift' person, he/she may see that as covering up or avoiding what giving what he/she really wants, which is help with a task, say something supportive, give a hug, or spend some undistracted time together. 

 

 

This is a favorite book of mine. I've even talked to my daughter (12 yrs ild) about it after mentioning that she (like her Mom) is definitely a "touch." It has helped her communicate with her Dad, too. I was just thinking that she should read it.

 

What? Natalie 12? Imposserous! 


Steve Heard

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#12 cw68

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 10:57 AM

What? 12? Imposserous! 


Yep, same age your youngest was when I moved here. Imposserous indeed!

#13 Steve Heard

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 11:04 AM

Yep, same age your youngest was when I moved here. Imposserous indeed!

Stef will be 21 in April! 


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#14 cw68

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Posted 09 January 2014 - 03:13 PM

Crikey! Where does the time go?!

#15 cybertrano

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Posted 12 June 2014 - 11:20 PM

I don't have any because I am single kakakakka






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