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#1 OctoberLily

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 04:01 PM

MYSPACE.COM

I have boys that have profiles on Myspace.com. After seeing a few articles about Myspace, I was curious and looked into it.

I found my sons' profiles quite easily. In fact, I found my nieces and nephews profiles as well. Not to forget to mention the profiles of some parents that I know.

I would like to have a general discussion on how you, as teenagers, feel about parents going into Myspace and checking your profiles out.

Surprisingly, my sons, nieces and nephews allowed me to become a "friend". I check and comment every now and then on their profiles. They don't seem to mind. They send me loving little notes back.

I make my kids aware that I will from time to time go on myspace and look at their profiles. At first, my youngest son had a problem with this but has accepted my argument that if MILLIONS of other people/strangers are allowed to view their profile, then surely, I can check them out. If they have nothing to hide, then all is fine.

What are your thoughts on this?

Edited by OctoberLily, 05 May 2006 - 04:02 PM.

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#2 FolsomJunior00

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 07:58 PM

Well, i think it odd that you made a profile yourself...you dont need to. You can view any profile you want (unless kids have them privacy protected) without creating one yourself.

Another thing, I dont have a problem with it, because I have nothing to hide. If your child is retarded enough to put pics of him/her drinking, smoking, nude, whatnot, then they are idiots. They deserve to be punished. Same with kids in dorm rooms. At my school, one kid was kicked out of his dorm because someone posted pics of him drinking in his room. The Residence Life Advisors had these pics brought to them, saw that this kid violated policy, and kicked him out. Once again, its a stupid part on the kid. He A) shouldnt drink int he dorms to begin with and B) have pictures taken of him while he is drinking in his dorm. A little common sense needs to be used when having Facebook and MySpace for kids with parents and school.

As for companies and places of work looking at the myspace and facebook and determining whether or not to hire them, that is just stupid. My previous argument holds, but that does not show much about their work ethic. Who cares if your employee goes out on the weekend and has a good time? All that should matter is performance in the workplace, not their extracurricular activities.
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#3 LexHillsmom

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 08:45 PM

I like your approach with your boys and it sounds as if you have a good relationship with them built on trust and honesty and they seem to know their limits well. If they are not hiding anything from you and are comfortable with you checking in - you really can't ask for more than that!

I have mixed feelings about MySpace. I think there seems to be some great p otential for abuse and have come across many profiles, especially teenaged girls, that are shocking and inappropriate. I wonder how these young girls parent's would feel knowing their daughters were posing in very suggestive pictures of themselves.

Like eveyrthing today, it's all too wide open.

#4 john

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 09:09 PM

I think it's here to stay (technology encroaching on our personal lives), the key thing is teaching our kids how to stay safe with it (not discolosing personal information, things like that). Lots of predators in this world, don't give them ammo...


#5 Steve Heard

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Posted 05 May 2006 - 11:58 PM

QUOTE(FolsomJunior00 @ May 5 2006, 08:58 PM) View Post

Well, i think it odd that you made a profile yourself...you dont need to. You can view any profile you want (unless kids have them privacy protected) without creating one yourself.

Why on earth would it be odd for a parent to create a profile? Myspace isn't the exclusive domain of teens. In fact, I have been told that it originated as a way for musicians to promote themselves and communicate with each other. Then it sort of turned into a dating thing, then kids discovered it.

I have a profile, although there isn't anything on it, but in order to use the search, and to see details of my kids' spaces, I have to have one.


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#6 Folsom Gal

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 06:38 AM

QUOTE(stevethedad @ May 6 2006, 12:58 AM) View Post

I have a profile, although there isn't anything on it, but in order to use the search, and to see details of my kids' spaces, I have to have one.


Correct. You can only see parts of MySpace pages without being a member yourself.



#7 FolsomJunior00

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 07:41 AM

Sorry, its just a little wierd is all. I know it started out for muscians, but it has evolved into a teen thing. But hey, as long as you are not doing like other parents do, and create a full on profile with descriptions of yourself, pictures, and cool backgrounds, i guess its ok.
" I am not going to sit on my @$$ as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it." -Cameron, "Ferris Bueler's Day Off"

#8 Steve Heard

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 09:18 AM

QUOTE(FolsomJunior00 @ May 6 2006, 08:41 AM) View Post

Sorry, its just a little wierd is all. I know it started out for muscians, but it has evolved into a teen thing. But hey, as long as you are not doing like other parents do, and create a full on profile with descriptions of yourself, pictures, and cool backgrounds, i guess its ok.

What?

Jr., although there may be millions of kids on it, there are millions of adults, too. I don't have a detailed profile because I don't have the time or desire. I think what you may be really saying is that it reveals just how silly the whole thing is.

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#9 Deb aka Resume Lady

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 09:55 AM

QUOTE(stevethedad @ May 6 2006, 10:18 AM) View Post

What?

Jr., although there may be millions of kids on it, there are millions of adults, too. I don't have a detailed profile because I don't have the time or desire. I think what you may be really saying is that it reveals just how silly the whole thing is.


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#10 OctoberLily

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 02:14 PM

Folsom Junior-

My kids and nieces were the ones who helped me with my profile. They had fun doing it and I had no problem letting them "pimp" my space - as they described it.

I also use Myspace to connect with people who have similar interest as myself. I have very few friends and hopefully when I travel to where they live, we would all be able to have dinner and meet. Aside from musicians and teenagers, people of like mind come on myspace to socialize with each other. I think it's pretty neat.

I know the dangers out there and that is the only reason I check into my sons, nieces and nephews myspace. In fact, it was a useful therapeutic tool when we had a death in our family. Once everyone had to return home, we were able to continue to support each other through messages, pictures and comments on myspace.

"The only thing we can take with us from this life is the good that we have done to others."

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#11 FolsomJunior00

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 02:24 PM

Ok well, that is great October Lily. Sorry for assuming.

Anyways, the issue of a parent having a myspace is not the point. Read my first response (without the beggining) and we can discuss that
" I am not going to sit on my @$$ as the events that affect me unfold to determine the course of my life. I'm going to take a stand. I'm going to defend it. Right or wrong, I'm going to defend it." -Cameron, "Ferris Bueler's Day Off"

#12 dnell

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Posted 06 May 2006 - 03:06 PM

My Mom created a MySpace profile, and is very active on it. She added me (who lives away from home) and my two sisters (who live at home, one who is still a minor.) All 3 of us think it's pretty cool she's on MySpace. Some of our friends have added her as well. She will leave us comments and read our blogs and give us feedback, or post funny pictures if she knows we have had a bad day. I don't have a problem with her being on there. I would be annoyed if she was using another profile to look at mine, or was looking at it in secret. I'm glad (and my sisters too) that she's open about it. I can't really explain it, but the fact that she's open to us makes our relationship better. Some parents sneak and look at profiles, and then the kid finds out and gets all upset, or the parent finds out stuff they do not like and will become upset at their kid.
My Mom knows we're not completely perfect, and she dosn't get real uspet if she finds out I went on a bar crawl, or if my sister bombed a test, or if a friend uses profanity on our comment page. She expects certain things to happen to teenagers and young adults, so she's rather understanding.

Besides checking on her daughters and their friends, she has also reconnected with a handful of people she went to high school with and hasn't seen in many years. I think it's neat for her! smile.gif

#13 OctoberLily

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Posted 08 May 2006 - 09:22 AM

FolsomJunior -


I agree with the 2nd paragraph of your first response.

I tell my kids to not post pics or write anything they would not want others to see or can use against them. You have to use common sense when going on the web.

DNell, I'm glad I'm not the only parent who communicates with their kids and family on myspace. In fact, I speak to my nieces and nephews more on myspace then on the phone. It's just easier for them to keep in touch that way. In fact, some of my son's friends have added me as their "friend." I thought that was really cool that they felt comfortable having me in their myspace world.

Of course, I respect my sons, nieces and nephews myspace world. However, I will not hesitate to speak to them if I see anything inappropriate or dangerous. They understand that I'm still Mom or Auntie in the "real" world and want them to be safe.
"The only thing we can take with us from this life is the good that we have done to others."

"Our strength will be found in our charity." [Betty J. Eadie]

"Being a mom is the most rewarding job I have ever had!"

"SEMPER FIDELIS! USMC"

#14 cw68

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Posted 08 May 2006 - 12:29 PM

QUOTE(OctoberLily @ May 8 2006, 10:22 AM) View Post

FolsomJunior -
I agree with the 2nd paragraph of your first response.

I tell my kids to not post pics or write anything they would not want others to see or can use against them. You have to use common sense when going on the web.

DNell, I'm glad I'm not the only parent who communicates with their kids and family on myspace. In fact, I speak to my nieces and nephews more on myspace then on the phone. It's just easier for them to keep in touch that way. In fact, some of my son's friends have added me as their "friend." I thought that was really cool that they felt comfortable having me in their myspace world.

Of course, I respect my sons, nieces and nephews myspace world. However, I will not hesitate to speak to them if I see anything inappropriate or dangerous. They understand that I'm still Mom or Auntie in the "real" world and want them to be safe.

I have a myspace, too, mostly to communicate with my 20-year niece and 24-year old bro-in-law. My friends also include a 24-year old that I babysat for while I was a high-schooler and our 20-year old babysitter who now goes to college in San Diego.

My niece and I have a pretty good relationship. I've always told her, and my other high-school ages nephews, that they can tell me anything. And I mean anything. I don't promise them that I won't tell their parents, but I will only do that when I feel that they are doing something that immediately endangers their lives. While I haven't been able to keep their feet firmly on the path of my choosing, it has helped. My niece has called me all the way from Wisconsin while socializing with her friends to just share and/or to ask my opinion. Myspace is just another way for her to share her life with me. I'm not always the proud Aunt after reading her page, it does let me know what's going on.

My bro-in-law's page, btw, with bunk. He's kind of a loser and his page reflects anything but that. Blatant lies abound!

#15 cw68

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Posted 30 May 2006 - 03:24 PM

Very interesting article in today's Sac Bee regarding who may look at your myspace page. I guess something to think about, in regards to what you post on your page, is whether or not you'd want the following people looking at it: teachers, police, potential employers, potential landlords and/or college admissions personnel.

Many eyes on teens' space
Law enforcement combs popular Web site where youths let it all hang out.

By Carrie Peyton Dahlberg -- Bee Staff Writer
Published 12:01 am PDT Tuesday, May 30, 2006

Ken White's cursor slides past beer bottles, lingerie and profanity to linger over a dark-haired teen with one hip thrust out and her midriff bared.

"If that was my 17-year-old, she'd be grounded," White mutters, before clicking on through the younger kids who scatter images of their faces, favorite songs and occasional misdeeds in glittery type across the Internet.

For White, a Placer County sheriff's deputy charged with reaching out to middle schools, the daily forays on the wildly popular MySpace.com provide a window into a world kids think of as their own.

He scans for the faces of youngsters whom teachers or principals are worried about. He reads up on hobbies, to break the ice during one-on-one talks. He watches for party announcements, for angry outbursts, for bullying.

"Usually, first thing in the morning, I'm on MySpace," often for an hour or two a day, he said.

While it's hard to find a teen who hasn't been warned about online predators, some have no idea that their hottest virtual hangout is also attracting police, coaches and principals. Scholarship committees or college entrance screeners may be checking in, too, according to privacy watchdogs.

"Part of me says that's kind of not fair," said Lilly Bechtel, 13, an eighth-grader at Brannan Middle School in Sacramento. She can see why authorities might be interested, but still, "MySpace is a place where you should be able to be yourself."

That's why she's there.

The free Web site has built a huge following among teens, young adults and musicians, offering a ready-to-personalize space where users can easily display photos, songs, videos, blogs and hundreds of "friends," each with a photo and link to that friend's page.

"It's all you," said Bechtel, an unabashed "MySpace addict" who decorates her site with Alice in Wonderland figures, a sparkling Elmo and a soundtrack by German pop singer Cascada. Bechtel said she's there all the time, catching up with friends, fielding chain letters and corresponding with her dad while he's overseas. Like many others, she has sidestepped MySpace's minimum age requirement of 14, signing up with a birthdate that would make her 100. Her parents know she exaggerated her age to use the service.

Older generations sometimes compare MySpace and other social networking sites with the telephone, but the new methods are far more powerful than that, said Elisheva Gross, a social and developmental psychologist at UCLA who studies online communication among adolescents.

"It's not only the telephone, it's the mix tape and the yearbook entry and the locker decorations and the diary … all rolled into one," she said. "There's this combination of self-expression and friendship networking, which is understandably incredibly appealing."

Last month, MySpace drew 38.4 million unique visitors, far outdistancing sites like Blogger, Yahoo! Groups and Xanga, according to Nielsen//NetRatings. The market research company said that overall, the top 10 social networking sites grew 47 percent based on number of unique visitors in the past 12 months.

The same features that fans love are a gold mine for law enforcement.

"I already have a bank full of gangsters," said Rayann VonSchoech, a community services officer with Sacramento Police Department's gang suppression unit. "Once I get to one, it's very easy to get to others."

Using names or nicknames drawn from arrests or investigative work, she's bookmarked around 30 MySpace pages to check every few days, looking for who's carrying a gun, who's threatening to disrupt a concert, and whose face goes with which street name.

"It's a huge tool, a great tool," said Sacramento Police Detective Sam Blackmon, who estimates Internet-related clues contribute to about 10 percent of the city's gang arrests.

Whether officers are dealing with serious crimes or with youngsters whose worst offenses are inappropriate insults, they travel a similar investigative path.

Start with a name or an event or an area. Find a person connected to it and then drill down, through friends and friends of friends, visiting their sites, riffling through their pictures, reading the correspondence they display publicly, and making printouts of anything incriminating.

At the middle school level, White is more likely to be looking for bullying than anything else. Deputy Ryan Berry, White's counterpart at Del Oro High in Loomis, keeps an eye out for parties that are announced to the world, letting patrol officers know where the big bashes will be.

Berry recently spotted a photo of a bong that led to a student's arrest on drug and weapons charges.

The deputies say that even when youngsters use aliases, their pictures, their friends' sites or other details often make them easy to track down. And even when a student's own site is fairly innocent, his or her face can still turn up in someone else's photo album of raunchy parties or worse, captured in embarrassing or illegal moments.

Although officers consider MySpace one of their best resources, it's just the latest in a long line of Internet sites that have been patrolled for years. Police look for stolen property on craigslist and eBay and watch for prostitutes in online personals.

In Davis, officers still are chuckling over the anonymous tip that a young woman's blog on LiveJournal.com had breathlessly recounted stealing street signs.

Around the county, news articles detail Internet-related arrests, firings or expulsions of taggers who posed with their graffiti, racists with their regalia, or underage drinkers with their bottles.

Davis publicized the street sign arrest partly to remind youngsters that they have no idea who is looking at what they put online, said police Lt. Colleen Turay. It could be parents, police or a predator.

Police and some vigilante groups look for child molesters online, and schools try to drill into youngsters the risks of revealing personal information or agreeing to meet in person. Every teen interviewed by the Bee was able to rattle off a list of things to avoid and ways to stay safe.

Yet most predators still find their victims through old-fashioned routes. The Sacramento County District Attorney's Office estimates that less than 5 percent of its cases involving sex crimes against children began with an Internet encounter.

For young people on the Net, "I think the risk of your reputation being tarnished is higher than your risk of being contacted by a predator," said Beth Givens, director of Privacy Rights Clearinghouse.

Givens worries much less about police than about employers, landlords or colleges.

"College scholarship administrators and others are known to consult these public forums and find out about an applicant," she said.

Some smaller colleges monitor MySpace in an effort to expel underage drinkers, she said, and a recent survey found that three-fourths of employers do an Internet search on applicants and one-fourth say they've eliminated applicants because of something they found.

People don't realize the risk because they may never know it happened.

"How would you know you didn't get the job because someone read your blog?" she asked. "How do you know you didn't get that apartment rental because the landlord did a quick search and found out you like to have midnight parties?"

While there have been cases of people manufacturing phony Web pages to make someone else look bad, the risk of being judged by truthful information you post yourself is all too real.

Givens' group advises anyone with strong political beliefs, unconventional habits, health issues or dangerous hobbies to use a pseudonym on the Internet.

Police urge kids to keep a lower profile online by using a MySpace feature that lets them set their site to private, readable only by those who've been given permission.

Justin Fong, 14, a Brannan Middle School eighth-grader, hadn't bothered with the privacy setting, figuring he was savvy enough to take care of himself.

That was before a reporter asked him how he'd feel about police, teachers or others reading his page. Fong thought awhile about his low-key space, with nothing unfit for adult consumption, before concluding that teachers, cousins, even parents were no problem. But police, "I don't know why, it feels kind of weird," he said.

"I'm changing it to private when I get home."




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